Figuring It Out

"You're too young to settle for mediocracy."

2008-12-04T22:34:00.000-05:00

How would you all feel if someone said this to you.

"You're too young to settle for mediocre."

Confused.

2008-12-03T15:11:00.003-05:00

Should I live in the moment... and risk screwing something up for the future? Or should I put off something in the moment and hold out for something that is only a "could be" in the future?

2008-11-15T19:43:00.001-05:00

I have a hard time making eye contact.

I do when I need to. Interviews. Public speaking. Trying to make a point or convince someone that I’m telling the truth.

But in normal conversation, especially normal conversation with someone I feel close with, I have a really hard time keeping eye contact. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. I think maybe I’m scared that people will see something in me that I’m not ready to share.

I have a very expressive face. That was told to me once and it is something that I have been horribly apparent of since. And anybody who has ever had an in depth conversation with me or been around me for a little while will be able to say the same thing. Poker face? Doesn’t exist with me.

As for the eye contact thing. I feel like it probably looks pretty weird to others who are trying to have a one on one conversation with me and my eyes are darting around. So I'm trying to work on making eye contact more in conversation. The problem is eye contact with boys I have crushes on makes me blush... and I sort of have crushes on everybody right now.

Oh to be 22 years old.

A sobering day.

2008-10-30T22:59:00.003-04:00

Yes, I called my day sobering, and no, it had nothing to do with recovering from too much alcohol consumption (wow, I'm a grown up).

I've been flying pretty high on life lately. I've been very happy. Not a ridiculously goofy, newly in love type happy or anything like that... but a sustainable happy. A happy with ups and downs but a general total satisfaction with life and where I'm going in it type of happy.

I'd still say that I am on that track, but today was the lowest day thus far. I cried this morning. I felt like crying a few times throughout the day. I didn't want to be at work. I didn't want to be smiling. I didn't want to be thinking or be with people. Ideally, I wanted to get into bed, curl up, and cry. And after crying for a little, have someone come and cuddle me, and just spend the day like that.

Instead I had to put on my game face and entertain a pack of retirees and tour them through the facility where I work. Anybody who has ever experienced feeling completely defeated and lost on the inside and has had to put on their complete and total bubbly game face for hours on end knows how completely DRAINING it is.

Today was the first day in the 5 months that I've been at my job that I was just numb and that I almost just didn't care to be professional. I almost just didn't care to be a grown up. I almost just didn't care to let myself be seen as anything but positive and tough and always on top. Almost.

It nearly broke me but I kept up the act for the day. Like I said in my title, it was sobering. Things aren't going to be great every day... welcome to the real world.

It is weird, having tons of people to talk to and being with people ALL DAY, but feeling like you have nobody to talk to.

2008-10-28T22:53:00.002-04:00

T minus one week until election day! Although this video isn't too convincing, I like it a lot and think it is cute... especially since it has my favorite boys, Zox, playing in the background (look them up-- www.zoxband.com).

Little changes

2008-10-27T21:15:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I think about how EVERYTHING could be different if one slight thing changed. I imagine how one little decision could alter the entire way that I live my life.

What if I hadn't heard about this job and decided to randomly apply for it? What if I didn't sit next to Chiara on the airplane on the way to Florence? What if I had skipped happy hour that one time and hadn't met the Chemist, who has now introduced me to all of my friends at work? What if I had decided to drop pledging from my sorority?

Or what about changes that aren't my decision but others... all my best friends from home are right now located throughout the major cities of the east coast. One in Boston, one in Chicago, one in NYC, and one in Washington D.C. However, for a little while during senior year of college, Teenie was interviewing for a position with my same company at a location 10 minutes away from where I work and Heart was looking at grad schools in this city. What if they'd made those decisions and instead of moving here alone, I'd moved here with Teenie and Heart and the 3 of us lived together? What if Smack had taken the job that was offered to her by last summer's internship and she lived in NYC with K8?

It is sometimes fun to think through these different little paths that life could have taken us on. Although sometimes, it can just be dangerous as well. Did anybody else ever read those books with alternative endings when they were younger? At the end of each chapter, you'd make a decision as to how the character could act and it would direct you a certain page and you'd keep reading on to see what happens. If at the end of the story, you aren't happy with the way things turned our, or if you were just curious as to what would have happened if you went the other way, you could start over and find out.

I'm kind of happy that real life isn't like that. Although scary, each and every decision we make can't be undone. There is no flipping to the beginning of a certain chapter and starting over. Even if you are lucky enough to be able to have the opportunity to try things again or take another stab at something... it will never change that original decision you made.

Just some food for thought...

For your viewing pleasure...

2008-10-15T22:35:00.002-04:00

Why I love Barack Obama...

Why I love Gawker...
http://gawker.com/5064077/mccains-senior-moments

Why I love Jon Stewart...
http://gawker.com/5063834/tired-old-john-mccain-just-recycling-speeches-at-this-point

Credit check.

2008-10-15T21:27:00.002-04:00

I want to talk, or write I guess, a little about credit. And I don't mean credit cards, or credit ratings, or anything financial. I mean being ascribed with something, being aknowledged for something that was done or something that happened, and I want to talk about it when you get credit for something in a good light.

What is it worth? Do we really need it? How do you feel when someone else gets credit for something you accomplished? What do you do when you get credit for something someone else did?

I'm not really sure what the answers to these questions are, but it is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. Issues like this have come up at work and in social life. And it hasn't been anything big but it little things have happened that have made me stop and think.

I know this is vague... I know I'm proposing a lot of questions and not even really telling you all what I'm thinking or why I'm thinking it. What it sort of comes down to is being noticed. I wonder sometimes if the things I'm doing are being noticed. And I wonder sometimes about the ideas that I have that are carried out by someone else, are they getting credit that I deserve? I am really not lacking in getting credit. I think that people at work are recognizing that I am working hard and that I have some great ideas that are making a difference. I like that getting that aknowledgement but I don't do things for the aknowledgement.

However, when I pass ideas on to be helpful, I do feel a little jealous when I don't get the credit. SO what does that mean?

Facebook Apps!

2008-10-13T23:53:00.000-04:00

40 Most Useful Facebook Applications

According to some other people.

What does everybody else think??

It is late now and I want to go to bed but I want to come back and explore and discuss Facebook, its applications, and its uses.

Back at it.

2008-10-12T22:44:00.002-04:00

Back at it. Back to blogging. Back to dieting. Back to staying in touch. Back to listening to my own mind. Back to counting points. Back to improving myself. Back to being my best. Back to seeing the scale go down. Back to writing. Back to taking care of myself-- physically and mentally.

It is definitely time.

Has anybody else ever had the feeling where you are so busy and having fun all of the time but somehow, you still feel a little bit lonely? And you still feel sort of empty inside?

And it has nothing to do with the people you are spending time with or the things you are doing-- because both of which are great. But, you just feel like somethings missing?

Syracuse Gossip

2008-09-22T10:43:00.002-04:00

So I was up at Cuse this past weekend for my very first Syracuse University Homecoming and my goodness, was it spectacular! I have more I want to write on that topic but I just need to throw an open question out there to my fellow Syracuse loves who are out in blog world.

There were rumors throughout the weekend of a Syracuse gossip Web site similar to gossip girl or to the infamous (at least in my apartment this past year) Fordham U's FUrez Hilton. I'm totally pumped about this gossip site and I SO want to find it online. Last winter, some pretty cool girls that I know pretty well started a Syracuse gossip blog but due to the craziness of senior year and how little they cared about anything besides having fun... the blog fizzled.

http://surezhillton.blogspot.com/

SUrez HILLton... they thought they were clever.

Anybody know the new blog URL??

I am tempted to keep the car in drive.

2008-09-03T23:30:00.003-04:00

"Four more exits til my apartment,
but I am tempted to keep the car in drive,
and leave it all behind."

Today, as I drove to work I passed the sign that marks that Syracuse is 132 miles away. I drive by it every day on my way to work. But today, for some reason, I had the urge to just keep driving those 132 miles. Screw work. Screw everything I had to do that day. I just wanted to be at school. I just wanted to be at the place that has been my home for the past 4 years.

I've been wondering when its going to hit me that the summer is over and we're moving into fall. To be working full time in the fall is unchartered territory. For the first time in 16 years? 12 of high school and 4 of college? At least 16 years. And for all intents and purposes, for the first time in the span of my life that is covered by my memory, I will NOT be returning to school this fall.

WEIRD.

So John Mayer, I know in your song you were talking about going to your apartment and I was driving to work. And I know that you had 4 more exits to get to where you need to go and I only drive 2 exits on the highway. BUT, I sure was tempted to keep the car in drive and leave it all behind.

I miss you Cuse.

Who are you calling skinny?

2008-09-02T23:21:00.003-04:00

So my girl, Principessa, e-mailed me a hysterical story today about how she got in a fight with a girl at Acropolis Pizza in Syracuse. Principessa was there late night, waiting for a friend who was getting some grub and decided to sit at a table and took off her shoes (I can relate to that!) and put them on the table with her purse.

From a nearby table she hears someone bitching to all her friends about how this "spoiled skinny white bitch thinks she can throw her shit everywhere." HOLD THE PHONE. Now, what caught Principessa's ears at this comment? The uncalled for need to call her spoiled when the girl doesn't even know her? No. The unwarranted claim that Principessa is a bitch? Nope, try again. The unneccessary need to bring race into the issue? Not it either.

This girl called her SKINNY! And Principessa was PUMPED.

For those of you who don't know, Principessa has been working with me to try and lose weight also. Last time I saw her, she looked AMAZING so she is def. doing a good job... enough so that randoms are calling her skinny-- go Principessa!!

How did she respond, you may be wondering. Principessa politely and rationally said to the girl, "Excuse me, but I can hear you talking. You are right. I shouldn't have my shoes on the table and I will gladly move them. However, you could have just asked me to instead of talking that way." Not only do I love my friends for having amazing responses like that to nasty girls trying to start shit. BUT I also love my friends for relaying stories like this to me, not for the fact that they almost got in a fight, but for the fact that they were called skinny!

I cannot wait until Homecoming and my fateful return to Syracuse to visit Principessa and hopefully, we can both get called skinny together :)

Ugh, I need help.

2008-08-30T23:06:00.002-04:00

Internetians, I've been SOOO bad at blogging.

I've also been so bad at dieting.

On Thursday, when I weighed myself I gained 1.5 lbs in the week. Which I figured is okay because it was my birthday weekend and I let myself splurge, but I've had a hard time getting back on track even a week later. I have no motivation to go to the gym. I've had mild success and I feel great and I need to get myself back on track.

If anybody has any words of wisdom or advice for whenever they get in a period like this, please let me know!

I told myself that it was okay that I went a little slack for a while because I am trying to make this a lifestyle thing and a long term project so if there is a few days in a row that I have less energy and miss the gym, that is okay... but I just need to be able to then after those days GET BACK to the gym. Tuesday I couldn't get myself to go to the gym then Wednesday I had a mediocre day at the gym and then I took a walk after work. Thursday I had a great workout but then Friday I couldn't get myself to go! Today I'm at home so I didn't do anything athletic and ate a little too much via snacking and a cookout and a wine tasting... but I need to kick my butt back into gear because I don't feel good right now.

Help!

What I've Been Reading.

2008-08-28T17:12:00.000-04:00

One of the things that I love about blogging and about blogs is that there is such a wide variety of them out there, if you look for it, you can literally find a blog that will discuss any topic you are interested in. For work, we target really niche sciency geeky blogs and trust me, there are TONS out there on the strangest little subtopics you could ever imagine. For my personal use, I like funny blogs, people my age that I can relate to, blogs about how to get ahead in the working world for students right out of college, etc. I recently sent my mom a list of blogs she might like that included everything from blogs about being a mom, blogs about dealing with your children all being in college, Curt Schilling's blog, my own blog, a blog by a woman in the town we're from, etc.

I would seriously like someone to challenge me to be able to find a blog about a niche group. I guarantee you it would exist. It would be a game sort of similar to when I make Masty MD challenge me to see if I really do have a story about EVERYTHING and I have him just send me a list of words and I can always think of some sort of story to tell that relates to that word. If you sent me a list of words... I could find you blogs about that. I use blogs to stay in touch with what is going on with Boston sports, with Syracuse, to learn more about different cultures, to keep in touch with friends, to be updated on what important people are saying about different topics, to get some news, etc.

With all that content out there, you might find that overwhelming and it sort of can be. But once you find a selection of blogs that you follow or if you get involved in a blogging network it is great. Since I follow a lot of blogs on a lot of different things that I'm passionate about, sometimes those blogs will post something that seems to be written exactly for me. When that happens, I know that blog is a keeper. This recently has been happening to me with entries at Brazen Careerist. These articles really hit home with things that I've been feeling lately.

This post pretty much directly conflicts with what my blog is titled but it is still awesome.

This post make me feel really good to know that how I've been feeling with the city of Albany is a situation that others have been in before. Not necessarily with Albany and not necessarily the exact same situation. But enough similarities that I felt like this could have been an e-mail from an older friend that was written directly to me to comfort me.

Then this blog in general is totally cute and I recommend it to all the sports loving girls out there.
If you are intererested in ridding your life of drama you could check out this, again from Brazen Careerist. I really enjoyed this entry, because as I've learned lately, drama sucks.

I just like this article because the caption on the photo cracks me up every time I look at it.

This article is by a girl named Katie too and she thinks that life after college is kinda tough too.

Okay, since I haven't been around in a little while ... read all this stuff in the meantime.

Inconsiderate

2008-08-28T17:00:00.000-04:00

I swear I have vivid memories of writing about this, but I looked through my past entries and didn't see so here I go. One time in high school, my 4 best friends and I were having one of many sleepovers. We were at Smacky's house and having a good time, dishing about whatever, and just being ridiculous together. For some STRANGE reason that I am not sure if any of us remember, we decided to play a little game where one of us would leave the room for 5-10 minutes and the other 4 of us would brainstorm and come up with one trait that person had that we thought was their best characteristic and one that is the person's worst characteristic.

Now, I'm not sure if this is immediately setting off any alarms for anybody out there as to how this could be a problem but it didn't for us. We. Were. Stupid.

It is funny because I can't remember what we chose as each of our good qualities (funny how that works) but I vividly remember what we chose as the negative qualitites in each of us. I'm not sure if our intentions were to bring us closer as friends, to make ourselves more self aware, or to try and correct these things. However, what was told to me by my best friends was that my worst quality is that I am not very considerate of others.

Now I was pissed. Being considerate of others is something that I've always tried to be. I thought of that as one of my GOOD qualities. Maybe I am wrong. But to this day, I remember that and remember being so upset about this. Since then I've made EVEN MORE of an effort to be considerate of others. I always try to be inclusive, seek out individuals who I feel may be struggling or need a friend, offer up my seat to those who need it more, help people when I can, do little things to brighten someones day, show people that I care, etc.

For example, recently a coworker of mine's mother passed away. She had been sick for a long time and everyone who worked here has heard about her struggle via her daughter in our office (and let me point out, that the woman who passed away was in her 90s and had lived a happy life... her daughter in our office, is older than my mother). They were all attending the services and let me know about them as well. I wasn't sure if I should or not... I had only been working here less than 2 months at the time, had minimal interaction with this co-worker and didn't know much at all about her family or her mother. When I asked my friends if I should attend or not, everybody said no. They said that I didn't need to, that they wouldn't, etc. However, I decided to go. I wanted the woman in my office to know that even though I hadn't know her for long, I cared, and that her WHOLE team had come out to support her, not just the ones who it may have been more obligatory for. Even though I was really unsure and nervous about it, I went, I sat alone in the synagogue (somewhere I had never been inside of before). I smiled at her as she processed out with her family. I was supportive with my presence the best I could be. Other people may not have gone to the services, but I did because thats the kind of person I am. I consider that to be being considerate.

The point of this post, although its taken a while to get here, is that I CAN'T STAND inconsiderate people. People who only think about themselves. People who can't be bothered to lift a finger to do something for the good of another... whether it be throw some coins in a homeless person's cup, wash the extra dishes in the sink, say a supportive word when someone is having a bad day, or invite someone to join who is discluded. People like this are people that make my skin crawl when I'm around them and are people that I'll never be able to get along with.

The End.

I apologize for such a lame ass post after so much nothing... I'll try and do better in the future!

Move, bitch, get out the way.

2008-08-18T11:44:00.000-04:00

With my recent trips every weekend coupled with my 25 minute each way daily commute, I’ve been spending a lot of time in my car lately. This excess interaction with my lovely little 92 Honda Accord that I bought when I was a junior in high school has created a few effects.

First of all, I’ve developed some severe road rage. And I mean severe. For most of my driving history my horn has remained pretty much untouched. Nowadays though, I have the urge to hold it down until my thumbs burn holes straight through. I’ve started to literally shout things at people driving slow ahead of me while alone in my car. I’ve even resorted to giving cars the finger as I pass them on the highway!

I’ve just never felt this intense road rage before! Anybody that gets in my way, I want to plow into them and then punch them in the face and then keep driving. When people are in the lane all the way to the left and driving 70 mph it infuriates me. Yes, I understand that the speed limit is 65 on major highways and yes I realize that 70 mph is technically driving fast and that if I’m driving faster than that it may not be the best decision. BUT when people just sit in the left lane going a steady 70, I want to kill them. JUST MOVE OVER. Why do they feel the need to just sit there and have people move to the middle/right lane to go around them? MOVE OVER.

It especially makes me mad if it is a 2-lane highway and two cars will just sit going around 70 right next to each other so I can’t move around them. Seriously, people need to get a clue and realize that me riding their ass isn’t because I want to analyze their license plate. I am doing that to give you a hint to get the fuck out of my way before I rear end you and push you out of the way. Sometimes I feel like people are trying to make it their job to regulate the speed limit on the highway so they sit in the left lane at 70. But what I have to say to that is, if I want to speed, I’m going to speed, so just don’t be a douche bag and move so that I don’t have to make it MY JOB to rip my steering wheel out of my car and throw it at you.

With that all being said, let it be known that I am still a big pussy. I’ve held back my horn honking urges almost completely (only a few times have I honked a tiny bit). My shouting in the car is never while looking at a fellow driver and would probably be mistaken by anybody that noticed as me singing along. And whenever I am flipping someone off, I do it holding my hand low so that nobody can see it (it just gives me satisfaction to do it).

A few weeks ago I heard some story about how a guy got so pissed off in traffic he got out of his car with a giant gun and shot a ton of people. Shit like that TERRIFIES me and I don’t want to get caught up in a situation like that so I don’t want to piss others off while driving. So I still am really careful to contain my road rage, or at least not let other drivers know that I want to side swipe them and leave them in a ditch.

Another result of my driving, specifically my commute, is that I now recognize all of the tollbooth workers. I know what time (approximately) the shifts change, which days of the week I can expect to see certain people, and which booth certain people will be in. I’ve gotten so used to the routine that this morning I was totally thrown off when the usual older man who is there on my way to work wasn’t! Since I see these people regularly, I’ve gotten the urge to ask them their names. Would that be weird? I feel like it totally would but I just think that my morning and their mornings would be so much more enjoyable if when I drove through I was able to say, “Good morning Joe! How are the kids?” Instead of just, “Thanks!” and driving away. I think I just might give it a whirl and see how it goes.

And lets go full disclosure here and I’ll be totally honest with you internet world… I sort of have a crush on one of the tollbooth workers. He is kind of cute and I may or may not have slight daydreams about him. Nothing real serious, because all I know of him is the 15 seconds it takes me every day to drive through the toll. But I started to think that I dunno… maybe one day instead of just handing me the ticket, he slips me a note along with the ticket telling me about how he waits all morning for me to drive through and then spends the rest of the day wondering about where I was driving to, what I do, and who I spend my days with. Then I would start writing him little notes back and find out about his life. We’d have this romantic courting relationship through love notes but our face to face reaction would be limited and we’d be torn from each other’s gaze due to lines of honking cars behind me as I was forced to press on the gas and drive away from him yet again.

Hey a girl can daydream can’t she?

People in Pain

2008-08-14T10:43:00.007-04:00

First of all, check out this ridiculous video from the Olympics. Hungarian weightlifter, Janos Baranyai, dislocated his elbow while trying to life a shit ton of weight. I read about it and wanted to see a video but I couldn't find any official videos of this on the NBC Olympics Web site. I searched the dude's name on YouTube and there were some bootleg videos up (this event wasn't on primetime TV) so I stole one and posted it here. But watch it quick because I'm assuming that someone is going to realize that this is on YouTube and it probably isn't supposed to be so it might get jacked and taken off. In case that happens, I'm putting up some pictures also.

And some images...

I know that last picture has poor quality but I did a screen shot of the video while it was in commission so that you could see these hysterical peeps in case the video gets taken away. One of the most disturbing parts is him shaking afterwards, so the video really is clutch to see that. I also, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the little people that scamper out to block the dude. In case you can't find the video, all these Chinese men and women run out about 2 seconds after the last picture was taken with these big posterboard looking things and just form a circle around him and the medical personnel that come out so nobody can see. Can you imagine if that was your job!?!? I imagine the conversation like this...

-- "So, what do you do?"

-- "I am working now for the Olympics in Beijing!" (if this was your job you'd prob. want to start with a general statement like this to sound cooler.)

-- "Cool! Have you met Michael Phelps???" (that would be one of my questions)

-- "No, I haven't. I'm actually working primarily at the weight lifting venue."

-- "Really? What exactly do you do there?"

-- "Oh well, if someone... you know... drops a giant weight on themselves, passes out, or suffers any sort of severe injury... I help out in those sorts of situations." (sounds good, right?)

-- "Wow. You're a medical technician?"

-- "No, I just run out and stand in front with a little posterboard so nobody can see them in pain."

On this note, has anybody ever realized that Americans LOVE to see people in pain? For us, when someone is suffering, it is entertainment. Shows like Fear Factor, Survivor, Lost, etc. Even shows like "The Biggest Loser" are all about suffering because while those people are working out and not eating and pushing themselves to the limit... they are suffering let me tell you! We LOVE seeing people get hurt. How many of us saught out that video on YouTube of Jake Brown falling over 40 feet? I know A LOT of people did. Even just think about "America's Funniest Home Videos"! Yeah, a lot of that show is little babies or kittens and puppies doing dumb shit but a HUGE portion of it is people running into things, falling off of things, getting hit by things, etc. And THAT is what American's find funny!

So, to conclude, if you are a normal American, I recommend that you watch the video of the guy dislocating his elbow (search on YouTube if its not working here) and if you are not a normal American, watch it anyways because you don't see much since the Chinese block him with Beijing posterboards.

B is for Brad

2008-08-13T00:11:00.002-04:00

This may sound silly and a bit ridiculous, but I recently realized that I LIVE in New York! Shocker, right?

But seriously, prior to the past few months I always would answer the question, “Where are you from?” with a statement along the lines of “I am originally from Rhode Island, but I am going to school in Syracuse.” Or “I am from Rhode Island, but I’m living in NYC for the summer.” And when I was abroad it was an even more complicated answer of “I’m from the United States. I grew up in a state called Rhode Island. No, I’m not here with a group from Rhode Island, but I am here with Syracuse University, where I have gone to school for the past few years.”
Recently, when I’ve been meeting people out in Albany conversations have been going along the lines of…

- “Albany sucks.”
- Yeah, but its better than Syracuse
- “Is that where you are from?”
- Well, no, I’m from Rhode Island but I just graduated from Syracuse
- “Oh so what are you doing in Albany?”
- I have a job
- “like a summer internship?”
- No, it’s a full time job
- “Oh… so you live here permanently now?”
- Yeah, I guess I do…

Before it was always temporary but now I LIVE here.

Ugh.

I do not want to LIVE in New York. I do not like LIVING in New York. I don’t like the way it sounds I don’t like the way the license plates look. I don’t like the way the license is made. I don’t like not getting NESN. I don’t like the “thruway”. I don’t like the accents. I don’t like seeing Yankees/Mets/Giants/Jets crap everywhere. I don’t like it at all!

Last week I was at a party when M-diggity was visiting (you happy that I said your name there lil lady?) and I saw a boy with a Giants T-shirt on and a Boston baseball cap. First of all, my eyes have radar for Boston hats after being in NY for so long. I spot them and am drawn to those people from miles away. I immediately want to go up and talk to them and find out where they are from, why they are in this God forsaken state (that was a little harsh but I’m going to leave it) and if they want to be my friend and bitch about New Yorkers with me.

Usually I meet some cool people this way (although on a recent trip home to New England, my Boston hat radar didn’t register the change in location and was going off the wall with excitement and BoSox overload). So when I saw the boy with the Boston hat/Giant T-shirt combo I went up to him and initiated a conversation by asking him about it. When I asked if he was a Boston fan AND a Giants fan he said, "Nah, I don't like Boston, I just bought this hat because it has a "B" on it and my name is Brad."

He. was. dead. serious.

What? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? Has anybody in their life heard of something as ridiculous as this? As a Red Sox fan and as a fan of baseball and baseball hats in GENERAL... I was offended.

All I have to say is... what a tool.

Weigh-In

2008-08-07T23:23:00.001-04:00

Weigh in was this morning!

I had some trouble with the slidey thing on the scale. Seriously, it was not balancing in between. It was going right from slamming up at the top to slamming down at the bottom-- THERE WAS NO SWEET SPOT! So, I got off that scale that I had been using and went to the one that sits on the floor and then the spinny needle of death shoots up to like 350 pounds then bounces back down and flops back and forth for a little then finally decides how fat you are.

So THAT scale tells me that I weight FIFTEEN pounds less than what I'd been doing with the big scale. Now come on! How could two scales be so ridiculously different? This is bullshit.

Moral of the story, I really have no idea how much I weigh right now. I got back on the slidey thing scale because thats what I've been using for the past 2 weeks.... and although I'd like to think I weigh 15 pounds lower like the spinny scale told me, I knew that was wrong. I finally got the slider to balance somewhere and it turns out that I (think) I lost 3.5 lbs this week!

Which means my total is: Loss of 8.5 lbs and my weight is currently XX0.

Next week will be interesting because I don't know if I actually did lose 3.5 or what the deal is... but hopefully the slider will be working more accurately and will be BELOW the XX0 mark next week.

If only this dude had been in the women's locker room at Best Fitness to help me.

Photography

2008-08-06T18:55:00.000-04:00

Isn't this picture nutty? It was taken on July 27 in Suining, China, which is part of the Sichuan Province. Temperatures were over 98 degrees so people crowded to pools... this is what overpopulation and lack of water supply does to you I guess. As one of my friends pointed out, "Why didn't they just get rid of those inner tubes? They are taking up room!"

If anybody else loves photography, you should check out Week in Photos... I love it. And you get to vote at the end and it interesting to me to see how the picture I selected as my favorite was voted upon by others.

A letter to blog-world and info on my new friend!

2008-08-05T12:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Internet People and Blog-world,

I feel as though I've been neglecting you all lately which was never my intention. I guess the excitement of my 2nd blog child has left me no room to vent and talk about random things over here. I truly apologize and I have SO much to say that you and to tell you about. I have things I want to share. I have big, fun news. I have things to vent about. I have things to cry about. I have it all. Please just know that I've missed you just as much as I'm sure you've missed me.

I'm glad to have you back in my life.

To start, I wanted to give you a follow-up on the "Women In Business" event that I attended last week with the old ladies. One of the more chipper women in the crowd had asked for my e-mail address and as I am always anxious to find more people to e-mail with during the day at work, I gave it to her and gave her my work e-mail. A few days later I received this e-mail:

"It was great meeting you at the WBC mixer. I'd love to connect again and
wondered if you could be a Mary Kay face model for me and give me your feedback
about our products. I have sessions on Saturday and Monday night at my home in
Loudonville. Would any of those times work or would you like to schedule an
appointment at another time? I hope you are having a great day!! Looking forward
to hearing from you."

Face model, eh? I said I guess I was interested but what does it mean to be a face model...

"Great....would love to have you over...we are expecting a few great women and
it's an eye cream social...so we are focusing on eyes. Being a face model just
means testing out our colors and products and coming over for a make up demo and
to get your feedback. It takes about an hour and you are welcome to bring a
friend. We take an after picture of your new look if you wish. A lot of fun too!"

Well, I informed her that I have NO friends (which is why I went to the damn Women in Business thing in the first place) so that sure I'd come but I was going to be riding solo. We wrote back and forth a few times for directions and whatnot, then yesterday was the big day! I was pleased to see this little e-mail from her pop into my inbox during the day yesterday...

"Just checking in to see if tonight still works for you....just let me know and
I can't wait to see you."

How precious, she can't wait to see me! So yeah, I went over and when I first got there, our evening started a little rocky as I accidentally let her dog out and had to stand in her doorway for 5 minutes as she ran down the street yelling for "Sophie" to come back. My new friend baked me cookies, which I felt guilty about turning down, but I did (that situation is the worst... I hate when I cook people things and they don't eat it so I didn't want her to think I was rude but I also didn't want to break my diet just to be polite... plus, the cookies didn't look that good and I didn't want to break my diet on something lame like a non-good-looking cookie.

Speaking of being good-looking... last night was my first experience as a "face model" aka "complimented enough that I feel like a rockstar and buy lots of makeup". If you want to see pictures or read more about my experience, you can check out the entry I wrote about it on my 2nd-born blog, over here.

So internet world, I hope you don't hate me, because I love you.

I'll be better. I promise.

Much love,
Katie B.

P.S. Is it weird that this blog has given me some perspective on parenting? I am a middle child so I always feel like I'm the one that totally gets the shaft all the time. But first born kids are probably totally neglected once a new baby comes along. I suddenly feel bad for my older sister... but not too bad, which you'll learn about why in an upcoming post!

Monday, 8/4

2008-08-04T23:00:00.000-04:00

I've been having a hard time getting motivated at the gym. I don't know why, but it is as if my body isn't working with me. Today I did 15 minutes on treadmill and 15 minutes on bike and thats all I could get out of myself!

Today I ate:

- coffee 2 points
- lean cuisine lasagna florentine 6 points
- bag of baked lays 2 points
- another coffee 2 points
- pudding 1 point
- banana 1 point
- sandwich from subway 6 points

TOTAL: 20 points

Ew, ew, ew, ew.

2008-08-01T14:10:00.003-04:00

Have you guys heard of the Montauk Monster? This thing is legit disturbing but everything that they have written about it on Gawker and the obsession they have with it is amazing and posts like this are the reason WHY I love Gawker. I really want to know what the hell this thing is and I love Gawker's response to Fox News bringing in Jeff Corwin (ha, I love that they did that, BTW) to comment on what this thing is:

"Fox News did a segment on our little creature friend this morning, bringing
on noted animal expert and possible crazy person Jeff Corwin to resolve the
matter. There he sat, reporting live from my beloved home city of Boston
(Katie B.'s note: BOO YAH!), and lied to America. "It's a dog, or a
raccoon" he said with shifty eyes. Whatever government agent was off
camera almost certainly had a gun leveled right at Corwin's head (or, you know,
some hell beast agent of the Dark was pointing a talon). When will this
vast conspiracy unravel? When will these potents be accepted as auguring
the end of days? For what it's worth, the Fox news lady doesn't believe
Corwin's awful lies, because she Wants to Believe. This is a monster
folks, plain and simple."

(P.S. Sorry about all the links... I should warn you now they all go to Gawker... as does half my posts here I am realizing... but I just love it. Is it an acceptable source of hard breaking news you think?)

My faithful fans.

2008-07-31T21:06:00.004-04:00

Hey All,

I just wanted to post what I ate today and make a little announcement then I'm headed to bed.

First off-- I STARTED A NEW BLOG TODAY! Well, tomorrow is the official start. But, whatever... I set it up today. Check it out please.

And now for what I ate today...

Yogurt 2 points
Apple 1 point
Whole wheat wrap and turkey 3 points
Strawberries and blueberries 3 points
Pudding 1 point
Carrot sticks 2 points
Lean cuisine quesadilla 4 points
Blue moon beer 4 points
Popsicle 1 point

TOTAL 21 points

Also, I want to thank Molly for telling me about a yogurt that is 1 point. I usually eat Dannon Light n Fit (my favorites are white chocolate raspberry and lemon chiffon) which is 1 point but sometimes I like another kind. I forget the name but I like the key lime pie flavor, which is 2 points. If anybody else sees any mistakes in my points calculations or has any advice-- PLEASE let me know. I really appreciate that! Thanks!!

YES! and NO!

2008-07-31T08:18:00.012-04:00

NO!:

So I just realized something as a follow up to the post I wrote earlier about the Wrigley's boycott because of their secret song sponsoring of Chris Brown's "Forever".

I said I would participate in the boycott because I don't chew stupid gum choices like Juicy Fruit or Doublemint and that I chew Orbit. Well, stupid me, WRIGLEY'S OWNS ORBIT. Damn conglomerates who own everything. And yes, I'm aware I work for one of those conglomerates.

YES!:

I lost 5 lbs this week!! I was feeling very anxious when I went into the gym this morning to work out/have my first self-inflicted weekly weigh-in, however, it felt AMAZING as I kept sliding that little dial over until it said XX3.5! I'm totally motivated for the next week now! Principessa and I have been encouraging and checking up on each other via e-mail and phone and as I explained to her, I really need the validation of seeing the numbers on the scale go down to stay motivated. Yes, I feel better, and yes, it is nice to know that I am doing something that will not only make me LOOK better but will also improve my health, energy levels, and overall life by just eating healthy and working out. But I really, really need to be able to evaluate myself with hard data and facts and have something to show. And sliding that dial over, totally made this past week's efforts worth and now I'm ready for the next week.

And, just for the record. I know that every week I won't have results like that and that it was my FIRST week so there is water weight and whatnot to factor in, but I was able to lost 5 lbs and still go out and go out to eat with friends. Yesterday I met friends for lunch and we went to a little Italian deli. I got a sandwich on a delicious ciabatta bread with turkey and pesto and it was legit AMAZING.

I love knowing that I can still eat delicious food but that I just need to be smart about what I'm eating and I can still lose weight.

However, this is what I resisted:

yummmmmmmm, it sure looks good but I couldn't be happier that I didn't eat it.

Campaign for Companions: UPDATE

2008-07-30T09:46:00.005-04:00

Recent happenings and feelings of mine have given me the kick in the butt to really get going on my networking and "putting myself out there" in this thriving metropolis that is the New York State Capital District. I had a rather successful weekend as I reached out and then spent Friday evening out to dinner and hanging out with work friends for the first time.

That continued through to this week as I had made plans to have lunch on Monday with a co-worker in the cafeteria. This co-worker, I thought was around my age. He started the same day as me and identified himself as an intern. However, turns out he is interning as he finishes up his 5-year PhD program which he started after taking a some years off after finishing his undergraduate degree in India. Although I doubt he'll want to come out to celebrate my 22nd birthday next month, I did have a good time with him at lunch and it was nice to eat WITH someone as opposed to alone at my desk.

Tuesday was an even better networking day for me. I actually had three different events lined up for myself to "meet people" and one turned out to be a great sucess (insert Borat impression here)! The day was a challenge for me on another level because every event I went to had free food attached. Free things = my favorite things. Food = the love of my life. Free food = my ultimate weakness. My first event was a lunchtime intern learning session which turned out to be really unsuccessful in me meeting people as well as in me learning anything. However, I didn't eat any of the free food (although I did take 2 bottles of Diet Pepsi)! So that was a success.

After work from 5:30-7:00 p.m. there was a Chamber of Commerce Women in Business Council meeting. Yeah, sounds corny, right? Well, it was called a "Membertini" which means it is a thumbs up for me since it has an alcohol reference in its name. And it was for non-members to come and experience what they do and learn about the Women in Business Council. I'm all about being a grown up now and was thinking, "Hell yeah I'm a woman in business-- I'm down!" So after work I show up to this thing, I sign in and get this big folder of information and a free drink ticket (cha-ching!). I was told to put on a nametag with "My name and business name on it" which I thought it was a little weird to write down where I worked, but whatever, I did it.

There are tons of ladies all over mingling and some that look relatively young. I just sort of stood around for a little until they divided us into smaller groups based on a number that was attached to our folders. I was in a group of about 8, everybody was old ladies, and as soon as we sit down everyone starts passing around business cards. Yup-- don't have those. So I just didn't.

Then the leader of our group starts us off and tells us to go around the circle and introduce ourselves and tell everyone about our businesses. I'm excited because usually grown ups are impressed that I have a job at a top company right out of college. The first lady starts to talk. She introduces herself and starts to describe the business she owns where she goes around to different companies and consults them on how to retain their employees. She owns her own business... cool. The next lady talks about how she has her own business making her own jewelry. Another who owns her own business... cool. The next lady talks about her own business selling real estate. Umm... another?.... cool. The next lady talks about how she owns her own limo company. What? Fuck.

APPARENTLY, the Women in Business Council is for women who OWN their own businesses, not just any woman in business. Needless to say I looked like a gaint douche bag when it came around to me and I introduced myself then told them that I work for not just any company, but one of the largest, most well known, and most international companies in the world which CLEARLY I don't own. Good one Katie.

So that was an interesting event. After that experience, I headed over to another networking event that was run by my company's Young Leaders group in the area. Now, THAT, was a great experience. I met a lot of cool people who just relocated to the area as well, don't know too many people, are just out of college, and like to go out/have fun (cha-ching! cha-ching!).

Overall the day was a success... and I was proud of myself because I didn't eat any of the free food or have any unneccesary calories at all. I've been doing so well that it is actually making me really really nervous to weigh myself tomorrow because I know that I can't try any harder than I have been trying this week and if the scale hasn't moved at all, I am going to be SO discouraged and I don't know if I will be able to keep this up. But we'll see! Weigh in is tomorrow morning... eek!

Food Diaries

2008-07-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

Today's menu (and the menu for most of the week) consisted of:

- apple 1 point
- strawberries and blueberries 3 points
- whole wheat wrap with turkey 5 points
- yogurt 1 point
- carrots 2 points
- 2 rice cakes 2 points
- pudding 1 point
- 2 oz. pasta 4 points
- meat sauce 4 points

TOTAL: 23 points

I also biked for an hour today at the gym. Every 5 minutes I switched the level that I was biking at and varied between easy, medium, and really hard. I already have my food made for tomorrow except for dinner i'm going to have chicken that I have marinating in Italian dressing with steamed brocolli (I still don't know how to spell that).

Yum yum-- see you then!

--

Oh hell no!

2008-07-28T12:42:00.004-04:00

This is totally fucked up and I totally saw it coming. For those of you who have listened to Chris Brown's new song "Forever" and not realized that it was basically the old Doublemint jingle, shame on you. Even though the song is catchy, I've been changing the radio station every time that "Forever" is played (which is a lot) just because it annoys me because it was basically an old jingle and I felt like I was being advertised to.

Well, turns out, the song is an advertisement, as the idea for the song, the studio time to produce it, and the air time was all sponsored by Wrigley's gum-- IN SECRET. Now that the song is a hit, they are making an announcement about the affiliation in a press conference tomorrow. My information comes via Gawker and they're pretty pissed off about it and calling for a boycott of Wrigley's.

Now I have to admit that the PR side of sees why Wrigley would make such a move... they CAN'T be doing too well, because honestly-- who buys Doublemint or Juicy Fruit anymore? I'm an Orbit girl myself (so yeah, Gawker, I'll be participating in the boycott because I never buy that gum anyways). They had to do something big to get themselves more attention and I don't think their old commercials featuring tons of twins all dressed up in matching outfits and running through fields or whatever would have done the trick. It was a bold move but it is also scary as hell to think that this is the direction that more companies could take.

I think that the worst part is that it was done in secret. I remember a little while back when blogs were talking about how Fergie made that deal to sing about Candie's shoes. Although it turns out that situation wasn't even true (I don't think?), everyone was abuzz. The site Fafarazzi said, "It looks like Don McLean was talking out of his ass when he first sang about 'the day the music died,' because it didn't actually die in 1959. The music died last week, when Fergie finished it off by stuffing fistfuls of advertising dollars down its throat and sitting on its face until it stopped twitching." As lame as that whole situation would have been, at least they'd have been clean about the deal. I can't even wait to hear the backlash that comes out of this one.

Oh and the other thing? People were BRUTAL about Fergie when her rumored Candie's deal was going around. And I mean, BRUTAL. What is going to happen to Chris Brown? I think that at this point his credibility as a musician is beyond Fergie's so how are people going to react to his ridiculous sell out? I have to admit I'm disappointed. I don't like the direction that the music industry has been taking lately. I don't like it one bit.

P.S. I just realized in my last post I included that clip from The Bucket List and I was thinking about how John Mayer wrote the song "Say" for the movie. The song wasn't featured in the movie and was solely a promotional partnership between the two. Anybody have any opinions on the differences between John Mayer writing a song to promote the movie The Bucket List (and that is different that writing a movie for a score, because the song NEVER was featured in the movie) and Chris Brown writing a song to promote Wrigley's gum? Somehow they feel different, but I'm not sure why.

P.P.S. I just figured out one good difference. The Chris Brown/Wrigley's thing was a SECRET. But there is still more... any help out there with this one?

--

Newly Obsessed? I think so.

2008-07-28T08:35:00.002-04:00

Okay so this blog I found last night:

www.newlycorporate.com

It is making me hard to get things done today because it basically has a ton of advice and articles and posts on EVERYTHING that I've been struggling with lately, things I've been talking about with friends, things I care about, and things that I've never even thought of before. If you go through the backlogs of posts you'll find information about...

- How to dress for work
- When to write thank you notes
- How to succeed in a rotational program
- What to do in your first 100 days of work
- How to make friends in a new city
- Top books to read for new professionals
- How sorority life helps in the real world

and so much more. Seriously. Check this blog out. I'm in love.

--

Things on my mind...

2008-07-27T21:43:00.005-04:00

I'll take your pennies too!

2008-07-25T16:37:00.003-04:00

When people have really great PR campaigns I'm always jealous I didn't think of it. I don't even work for OfficeMax and didn't even know they were selling things for 1 cent, but either way: this is awesome. OfficeMax has had some badass PR/marketing campaigns recently... I wonder how that has translated to sales? Last winter they had the Elf Yourself campaign which I've actually mentioned on this blog before and now they have this series of videos on YouTube (I watched them all):

--

If you don't care, don't read this entry.

2008-07-24T12:52:00.005-04:00

So, for those of you rooting for me and hoping that I actually get my act in gear, I am going to blog about my progress. It helps me to know that I am publishing what I eat and what I exercise to the Web so that somebody somewhere is checking up on me (I hope...? Anybody out there?). Last night when I got home from work I cooked a meal for 2 and split it in 1/2 and I am going to eat the other 1/2 for dinner tonight.

I tried to recreate a meal that my host mom in Italy used to cook for us. It was LMurph and I's favorite... little hat shaped pastas in a brocolli sauce. Literally it was like blended brocolli or something smothering all the pasta. It was very smooth though and it was delicious. I miss it. What I cooked didn't taste quite like it (at all) but my meal was still delicious... and I figured it to be about 7 points!

Ingredients:

- lots of brocolli (o pts)
- 1 tblsp. extra virgin olive oil (4 pts)
- salt and pepper (0 points)
- italian seasoning (0 points)
- dried basil (0 points)
- 4 oz. (dry) pasta (8 points)
- lots of fresh garlic (0 points)
- sprinkle of parmesean (2 points)

TOTAL: 14 points for 2 meals = 7 points a serving!

I steamed the brocolli, then finely finely chopped it. In a frying pan I added the oil and garlic and cooked the garlic (careful not to burn or else it will taste bitter) for a few minutes. When it was done, I added the brocolli, seasonings, and parmesean cheese. I measured out and cooked my pasta, then drained it and tossed everything together in the frying pan.

And, if anybody cares... the pasta I used was one of those mixed packages of spinach pasta, tomato pasta, etc. or whatever they put in it to make it all different colors. I don't notice a difference in taste and the nutritional ingredients are about the same but it just looks more fun to eat a lot of different colors!

My food yesterday was topped off with a sugar free popsicle (1 point) and in full disclosure I ate some of these red and white striped peppermints that I brought back from NH. I still have 1/2 a bag left and they are so delicious so there is no way I am letting them go to waste (do you expect anything less from the girl who ate 2 bags full of candy 2 summers ago in the middle of a terrible thunderstorm because she thought there was a possibility she'd die and the candy would go to waste). So yeah, I will be finishing off that bag of mints in the next few days, but I don't think that will terribly ruin what I'm doing? I figure this to be a form of easing myself off sweets instead of going cold turkey?

Today's food so far has been pretty much the same as yesterday:

- Ravioli Florentine SmartOnes 5 points
- Banana 2 points
- Yogurt 2 points
- Iced coffee with skim milk 2 points

For later...

- 2 rice cakes 2 points
- Carrots and green beans 2 points
- Dinner from last night 7 points

ANTICIPATED TOTAL: 22 points

For those of you still reading, I also went to the gym this morning and I decided that Thursday mornings are going to be my weigh in mornings. I am not telling you the first two numbers but this morning, as my "start" weight I weighed

xx8.5 lbs.

--

Q-of-the-Day: Are you a spontaneous hugger?

2008-07-24T10:02:00.001-04:00

In my creed that I wrote earlier, I touched upon how much I believe in the power of touch (I don't know if that would be called a pun or not but the double use of the word touch was intended). And lately I've been missing a lot of touch. When I get comfortable and intimate with people, I like to be able to feel them close to me. I don't mean that in a romantic or sexual way at all. I feel that way about close friends... both male and female, my mom, little kids I am close with, etc. No, I'm not some Michael Jackson type and am not making an excuse for behavior like that but I just feel that there is nothing more therapeutic than a hug and there is nothing that I want more than to just sit and cuddle sometimes and be close to someone and feel their touch.

I don't know if I'm just digging myself deeper and deeper here or if people understand what I'm saying, but I'm going to keep going. When I lived in Florence, my "sorellina" (aka my "little sister" or the 6 year old daughter of the family I was staying with for 4 months) and I were really close. I spent as much time with her as possible and loved her like a real sister. We used to watch movies together, play dominoes or as she called it "matching game", color, sing songs, and play with each others hair, etc. I miss the feel of her little fingers trying to gather my hair together to put in a ponytail. I miss her taking my hand to lead me to the kitchen or the playroom. I miss her cuddling next to me on my bed as we watched Finding Nemo on my laptop.

More recently, this past year my bed (or really anybody's bed) was often a popular hangout for our apartment. I miss cuddling with Kimber in the mornings and I miss squeezing Masty M.D. and a ton of people onto my bed and watching YouTube videos. The list could go on and on... not with bed activities really... but just with the ways that I've felt connected with people through touch that I now have felt void of for a little while.

I think touch is really powerful. I've read articles about premature babies gaining strength and getting healthy faster when they are cuddled and held more. I totally believe that. I have a few friends that don't like hugging and get uncomfortable by cuddling and being close with people. We joke with them and say that they weren't hugged enough as a child. I wonder if thats true? This is something I want to learn more about because I am a true believer in the power of touch but I want to find if there is truth or fact behind it. If anybody knows of any books or articles on this topic-- let me know. But for the meantime, my Q-of-the-Day...

Are you a spontaneous hugger?

i.e. If one of your friends were to randomly hug you/cuddle up next to you... how would you react? Do you like that interaction? Do you do it to others?

My answer: Yes, yes, and more yes.

This is it!

2008-07-23T08:08:00.005-04:00

Recent events have made me decide that this is the time to kick my butt in gear. Every once in a while I get motivated like this and make the decision that "this is it." So, who knows how long it will last this time (I'm being honest here). But for real, I am always whining about the things that I don't like it my life and the truth of the matter is, everything is completely up to me to change. I don't like my weight? Eat less and work out more. I don't like not having a large social network? Stop repeating the same patterns I have been and put myself out there. I don't like being tired all the time? Go to bed earlier. I don't like my car? Start putting aside money, start researching, and get a new one. I don't like feeling silly after being drunk? Drink less. I don't like feeling like I suck at work? Stop wasting time while I'm there (oops) and start kicking ass.

All of the things I don't like, I HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE. And I'm extremely lucky and extremely blessed in that sense. So it is time to get myself into power mode and kick my own butt into shape.

This morning I woke up at 5:00 a.m. (okay... I hit snooze 1 or 2 times) and got to the gym for a 5:45 a.m. work out before I even went to my real job. I did a "Cardio Bar" class that switches up different types of cardio each class. Today was kickboxing and it was tough! However, I pushed myself through it as best I could and then showered and cleaned up at the gym. Since I was at the gym so early, I also got into work early... so yeah, I'm wasting a little time right now, but I was also in 45 minutes earlier than I usually make it! And as for food for the day... I brought a Dannon Light n Fit Yogurt and a banana for breakfast. A Lean Cuisine meal for lunch, and some green beans and rice cakes as a snack. When I want to shape up, I resort back to what I've learned through Weight Watchers and count my points. So the way that I figure (and correct me if anybody knows better):

Yogurt: 2 points
Banana: 2 points
Green beans: 0 points
Iced coffee w. skim milk: 2 points
2 Rice cakes: 2 points
Lean Cuisine: 7 points

TOTAL: 15 points

That then leaves me a good amount for dinner. Routine works well for me, so yesterday I went to the grocery store (after doing a "High/Low" aerobics class at the gym) and bought enough of these foods to eat the same thing every day for the rest of this week (except I also plan to add carrots as a snack). I highly doubt any of you care about what I eat every day but maybe publishing it to the internet will me to stay on track.

Alright, I'm going to work on fixing the part about feeling like I suck at work and get going with something productive.

For your listening/viewing pleasure, I will leave you with the song that is currently stuck in my head and may very well be my anthem for my new attempt to kick my butt in gear... or shall I say, spice up my life?

Blog Links

2008-07-18T11:03:00.001-04:00

I just realized that the list of links to blogs that I have on the side is way old. I've since found plenty of new amazing blogs that I'll have to share once I have time to live my life outside of working, sleeping, and eating.

Is blogging on your lunch break universal?

2008-07-16T12:58:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I think it is really interesting how certain things can be universal to everyone. I recently had a meeting with a leading scientist in the field of sensor detection and he began our get together by pulling an old Starbucks paper cup off of the back shelf of his top filing case. The cup had a quote printed on it by Dave Grusin that said "In my career I've found that 'thinking outside the box' works better if I know what's 'inside the box'. In music (as in life) we need to understand our pertinent history...and moving on is so much easier once we know where we've been." The scientist I was meeting with said that he always keeps this in mind when he is doing his work.

He is a pretty quirky fellow and really interesting to talk to. In the middle of a sentence, he would stop. Get up from his seat. Leave the room. And come back with something in his hands to show me, explain to me, and then we'd go on with the conversation. I can just picture him stopping to get a coffee one day from Starbucks with someone and probably being in the middle of a conversation when he suddenly realized there was a quote written on his cup that he really identified with. Having whatever conversation he was mid suddenly be gone from his head and stutter around in circles for a few moments and wanting to save the cup. I feel like someone else may have suggested he go ask for another one.

But anyways, Dave Grusin is a musician. An Academy Award winning musician! He has composed music, arranged, and played the piano for a number of classic movies… the ones that mean the most to me are Tootsie, The Graduate, The Firm, and who know this, but The Goonies! What struck me as amazing about this quote is that it was presented to me by an analytical chemist in a Chem/Bio Sensors Laboratory as his motto, yet it was written by a musician. Me? I'm not sure what I am but definititely not either of those, yet it resonates with me as well. And someone, somewhere in corporate Starbucks found it appealing as well and chose to print it on coffee cups that circulated perhaps around the world.

I wonder how you get a job like that? The coffee cup quote selector. I think I'd be good at that...

--

p.s. That is not my hand in the picture-- I just found that online somewhere.

--

Bad Blogger

2008-07-15T22:20:00.002-04:00

I admit it. I've been a bad, bad blogger. I vow to be better. I've just been so physically and mentally exhausted lately. Work is blowing my mind. All of last week I was at my employer's premiere training facility which was really an incredible experience with incredible opportunities around it... however, it was also full of 18 hour days and spirit-crushing feedback from my superiors.

The plus side is that I met a lot of really incredible people who I can already tell are going to beome a network, a community, and a family for me throughout these next 2 years and further into my career. After only knowing them for a few days, I've already come to rely on them to cry to, to laugh with, to get drinks with, to seek help from, to get peptalks from, to give peptalks to, and basically just support each other completely and totally in this voyage from college life to working for a major corporation. A major corporation that is providing us with a great salary, health benefits, career advancement opportunities, global travel, training, leadership development, and support... but.... by being associated with this organization it is also asking us to conform, to fit the corporate mold, to ignore some of their questionable behavior, and basically I feel a little like a sell out sometimes. However, I think that the organization does great things in the world. I don't know if it is possible for a company of its size to be perfect. We don't ask individuals in life to be perfect, yet I want this from an employer? Maybe it is not possible.

And honestly, I'd rather be here than elsewhere. I am proud of where I work and proud of what they do. Unfortunately, I'm not proud of myself yet.... and I don't really know why.

Greatest E-Mail Ever.

2008-07-01T23:48:00.004-04:00

From: Matthys M.D. [mailto:youwishyouknew@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 6:43 AM
To: Katie B.
Subject: Re: I'm going home!

So freshman year me and Brian used to have this funny saying when we were feeling kinda shitty: "When you think things are bad, just look on the other side of the room." It worked with everything from crappy homework to a messy side of the room (which was almost always me), a majority of the time we could just look at what the other person was doing and go "well at least I dont have THAT going for me." It was a really fun way to spin both major and minor obstacles into something we could both laugh at. I bring this up for a couple of reasons. On friday I got really sad all of a sudden because I had just made dinner for myself (steak and japanese noodles) and declared aloud "Wow! This is the best steak I've ever made! This is the highlight of my day!" (it truly was, it was perfectly medium rare and it tasted superb). I then realized that while I was impresssed with how well the steak came out, my Friday nights back at school were almost always more exciting than a perfect steak. It was in that moment that I recognized how much I missed my friends and everything we did together. Since I was by myself, it really hung over my head.

When I'm sad/angry/upset/stressed I almost always turn to a playlist I have on my iPod called "acoustic" (it used to be called "miserable and loving it" but then I thought that was wayyyyy too emo lol). It really helps me feel better because they're all really sad songs. I always go through this sequence when I'm listening to it where I have my original feelings of shittiness, then I feel even worse during the middle of my playlist, but I eventually snap back and feel really good. Not gonna lie, I listened to that playlist a LOT this year (due to girl trouble, fighting with my parents, girl trouble, jealousy, stress about grad school, being rejected from grad school, frustration, stress, drama and of course girl trouble). I was just thinking earlier last week how I hadn't had to listen to that playlist in a long time... that is until Friday. I was listening to "acoustic" in the kitchen, and I kinda was just standing there feeling miserable, but then I was like "I'm over this, I'm tired of feeling sad." To make myself feel better I started thinking about how exciting it was going to be to make new friends in a new environment. While the moments I shared with the people are unique, it doesnt mean I won't be able to make similar memories with my future friends.

So I completely understand what you're going through, but at the same time I wouldn't be too worried about it. While you don't have many friends now, you have to realize you've basically only been there for a month and you've already made a few friends. Think of what it's gonna be like in a couple of months where you'll make way more friends. I think we kind of get spoiled by the whole college situation because as soon as we arrive we are immersed in a social setting where we are surrounded by dozens of strangers, some we will barely remember, some we will despise, and others we will have long lasting memories of. The workplace isn't really designed like that at all. There are already a bunch of people there who have established themselves as well as their relationships, and I doubt you're situation is like this but where I work, I am easily the youngest person in the office (there are 2 people who are in their early to mid 30s, and they're really good friends). Therefore I have very few people to interact with (there are only about 8 people in the office, one is my mom, the other is my supervisor, then a married couple who are the accountants, the 2 friends, and a marketing manager). While you've only made a handful of friends, you are still way ahead of me.

Also you have to realize that your friends may seem far away, but not really cause you're able to drive to them on the weekends and hang out. You obviously can't do this every weekend, but at least you know that they're only a few hours away. My closest friend is a 6 hour plane ride away, and my even better, closer friends (that I miss wayyyyyy more) are a 13 hour plane ride away. It also doesn't help that I can only talk to a couple of them because of the time difference and the fact that when I get home from work, everyones asleep. the one thing that keeps me going though is the fact that I am fully confident I will make friends wherever I go. I'm a really shy person when you first meet me (unless I'm with people I know) but eventually I loosen up and make friends. Ross, Marc, Kristina, Kim and Lisa all lived on our floor freshman year with me and Brian and I barely knew Brian after 2 weeks, which goes to show you what a month will do.

It's natural to be sad when you're thinking of all fun stuff we did (I saw pictures of when we went bowling, and that was honestly one of my funnest nights of college) cause honestly we were basically a family, at least thats how I saw it and my parents made the same observation. Almost everything I do reminds me of you guys which makes it even worse, and at the same time I love that we have made such strong connections that will surely last a lifetime.

So I hope this helps, it took a while to write (I had to stop in the middle of it cuz I got really itchy for like 10 straight minutes). So hang in there, don't fret about not making a bajillion friends in the first month because they'll surely come. Well I'm going to sleep and I'm sure you're just about to get to work. So just remember, when you think things are bad, just look on the other side of the room ;-)

Katie's Campaign for Companions

2008-06-24T22:02:00.003-04:00

I need friends. So far in my new life I've got 3. Two are default friends because I moved in with them. One is perfect but she also has all of her own friends who are all here-- which are great too and trust me, I'm exploring every possible avenue in my campaign for companions. The boys I live with have great friends too but.... call me selfish, but I want some friends that are all my own.

I'm in my third week of my job and I am still silent for basically all of the day. I feel like freshman year of college all over again when I would go the entire day of classes and not talk to ANYBODY, which was so different from myself who is a self proclaimed social butterfly. I love talking to people, meeting new people, laughing, joking, etc. And maybe you're reading this and thinking, "Just get over it Katie, you're at work, that isn't a place to be laughing and joking-- it is a place to be working." Well uh-uh, that ain't gunna fly for me. I need to be having fun at all times and I need to be able to be myself in the workplace... which is talkative, laughing, joking, me.

I do know how to turn it on and off and I do know how to get work done but I've also successfully had great experiences at jobs and internships that were extremely professional, while making friends and socializing with my co-workers throughout the workday. I actually feel that part of the reason that I've done well in jobs in the past is my ability to comfortably settle in to work environments, get along with the office culture, and go beyond the level of being someones co-worker and being their friend. That way people see that I am confident, that I am smart, that I have opinions, that I am personable (which is good in the PR field), and that I am trustworthy. So booyah for making friends at work.

Unfortunately, right now, I don't have any. The majority of my workplace is older individuals but there are a lot more young-ish people that I'm noticing and I'm meeting people that I totally want to be BFFs with but its not like other jobs I've had where the whole office sort of sits in a bullpen type set up and we can all chat throughout the day. Everybody is in their own offices, in their own wings, their own floors, their own buildings even. How do I meet these people?

As if reading my mind, one of my blogs that I read daily Life In Your 20s wrote an article about this problem of making friends at work. Sucks that they didn't tell me how to make any friends though.

I've been trying to build up the courage to join tables in the cafeteria at work that have people that look like they could be my age and could be friendly. Usually I sit alone and read a book or something. Even if I bring my own food to work, I go down to the cafeteria so that I can get away from my desk for a little bit. On Monday, I brought myself the leftover couscous and brocolli that I had cooked for dinner the night before. However, to get to the sitting part of the cafeteria you have to walk through the food part of the cafeteria and I got distracted by the soup department and ended up buying some tomato bisque (their soup is delicious... today I had potato leek soup!). When I selected my empty table du jour, I sat down with my soup and realized that I had forgotten a book (I was reading "The History of Love" which is not the type of book I usually read, but I got it as a gift and I always feel like I HAVE to read books I get as gifts... it was pretty good but also sort of weird... whatever, I finished it over the weekend and forgot to swap a new book into my purse. Now, return to story).

So I'm sitting at a table, bookless, eating some tomato soup alone like I'm fuckin' Steven Glansberg (name that movie). Then, out of nowhere, a random, young, cute-ish boy comes and sits alone at the table next to me and starts eating a salad. I'm thinking to myself, if not now, when? So before I know it I muster up some courage and ask, "Excuse me, are you waiting for someone?" and he said no, so I said, "Well, I'm alone too... do you want to join me?" And he did! We had a lovely little chat, he is going to be a senior in college next year and seemed pretty cool. I'm a slob though and while we were eating I spilled soup all over the table. Luckily, I was able to hide it with my tray, but then at the end of the meal I got up first to leave for work and he saw all my sloppy soup mess all over the table. Oops. Soup spills aside-- it was nice to sit with someone at lunch and meet someone young at my place of work.

Unfortunately, there is now no way of ever seeing this kid again. I don't even remember his name! And I told him my name is Katie, which it is, outside of work. At any job or internship or class or professional/responsible experience of my entire life, I've always gone by my full name. I love my full name. I love that some people call me that and some people call me Katie. Even when I make friends with people from work, I still have them call me by my full name. For some reason, I told this boy my name was Katie and as soon as I said it, it felt weird to be telling someone at work that my name was Katie. And now, if he decided that I'm awesome (and come on now, why wouldn't he decide that?) and tries to stalk me and find me... he never will since on my office door, my desk, my e-mail, in all the directories, etc. I go by my full name. For all intesive purposes, Katie B. does not exist at my place of work. Fucker.

Guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed and try again to make friends again tomorrow. In the mean time, Kimber (since you're the only one who reads this anyways, I might as well directly speak to you), I might have to take up your offer for a letter of recommendation for being my friend. It might come in handy. If you can, include that I don't always spill food all over the place when I eat. Thanks :)

P.S. It took me a while to come up with the name "Katie's Campaign for Companions" but I really like the final title. Also, I didn't just think of that as a title for this blog entry. I've been calling my search for friends "Katie's Campaign for Companions" in my head for a few days now.

Yes We Can-- Congrats Obama!

2008-06-04T10:13:00.001-04:00

After a long season of primaries, the Democratic nominee is clear and I couldn’t be happier that Obama ended up on top. I think that our nation is in desperate need of change and that Obama has the vision and the capability to make it happen. That being said, I think his choice of a vice president will be very interesting. I have to admit here that I don’t know the most about politics. It is definitely not an area of expertise of mine (as if I really have ANY areas of expertise though) and anybody can gladly disagree… but I feel like choosing Hillary Clinton as a VP would be a smart way to go.

The Democratic Party is currently so divided and McCain is a pretty liberal Republican. I’m worried that long-time Democratic voters who supported Clinton or for some reason or another haven’t been supporting Obama thus far will turn to McCain.

Discussing politics early in this year, it was brought up in a discussion with my friends that someone was concerned that if Obama made it to be the nominee or farther along—into the White House—he would be at high risk of someone trying to harm him. As disgusting as it makes me feel and as uncomfortable as I am writing this, I’m worried about that. I’m cynical about a lot of things in our society and unfortunately that list has been growing lately. It has come to include marriage, many non-profits, the relationship between wealth and power, and a lot of politics and the government in general actually. However, one of the things that have been brought to my attention a lot, especially by the classes I have taken in school is how much race still really is an issue in our country.

Although important to note that the Democratic nominee race was between a black man and a woman, I think that these primaries were historical and exciting not because of that but because of how many people they reached. These primaries got people following and discussing politics that never had in the past. The candidates, both Obama and Clinton, excited our nation and I think that is great.

Congratulations to Obama!

P.S. What in the world is Clinton doing? As of a few minutes ago she just released another statement saying she is still in the running! I found last nights conflicting headlines that “Obama is the nominee” and “Clinton is not out” to be very confusing… after doing some research its pretty clear that Obama is our man. Hillary—what’s your deal?

John Mayer = Genius.

2008-06-03T13:10:00.003-04:00

I just rewrote this first line about 4 times because I'm not sure what to even say about how much John Mayer's ability to speak so eloquently and poetically impresses me. He makes amazing music but his blog is so intelligent and profound as well.

His latest entry talks about the movie The Goonies and how it relates to our generation. John talks about whether people identify with the misfits(the Goonies) or the popular asshole (Troy) in the movie. He says, "What happened to the better part of a generation that once walked out of their local theater rooting for the Mikeys and Chunks and Datas of the world? They've turned into Troys. Troys who can't accept the differences in others and condemn the things they don't understand. Finger-pointing, shit-talking Troys."

I agree and I want to give JM a hug for writing this entry.

Check it out.

And no, this isn't the first time that I've directed you all to John Mayer. But I can't help it. He just amazes me.

Buy these sheets.

2008-06-03T12:59:00.002-04:00

You will be happy if you do that. I promise.

Before the move Kimber and I spent what seemed like hours in Bed, Bath, and Beyond searching for the perfect sheets for me. We sifted through the sandpaper-like bedding to the silky sheets to the jersey sheets until we finally found some that fit my desire for extreme softness as well as affordibility. I was actually surprised because some of the more expensive sheets I thought were really uncomfortable I thought.

Kimber and I finally landed on a set for me and let me tell you, I couldn't be happier. BUY THESE SHEETS. They are amazing. I've been sleeping like a baby and I never want to get out from under them. They're the perfect mixture of soft, silky, breathable, and heavenly. Pure Beech Sateen sheets.

Leave your house now and run to Bed, Bath, and Beyond-- you can thank me later.

Here I Am!

2008-05-31T10:25:00.003-04:00

So I'm officially moved in to the new place! It is quite cozy and I really like it a lot... after I got burned out from unpacking I spent last night with the boys and their friends and really had a great time. I think I made a good decision here.

Moving was relitively simple since I had the wonderful moving men that my new job arranged for me. Having people do things like that for me is totally not my style. My family is a very do-it-yourself when it comes to things where the option is to hire someone or put in some extra energy/stress and save money. I kept trying to help as the movers literally unpacked my things from the boxes that had be carefully packed and padded then set up my bed and furniture where I wanted it. It was a huge change from my own method of packng. My method involves throwing everything into random trash bags then throwing those trash bags into my car.

But anyways, moral of the story: I'm safe and sound in my new apartment and very happy.

P.S. I found this on YouTube and I'm very excited for my new job. I hope I get to meet the dude that stars in this video... he cracked me up throughout the whole thing... "You don't have to talk down to me, I went to space camp."

Disintegrating Apartment

2008-05-28T21:35:00.004-04:00

So I'm back in the Cuse (yay national lax champs!) and my days in this apartment are withering away. I'm currently hanging out on the futon watching So You Think You Can Dance. Today, the movers came and packed up all of my belongings and they are currently in the back of a truck somewhere along the East Coast doing who knows what for the next 2 nights. I'm only moving 2 hours down the road but apparantly my pick-up date and delivery date had to be 2 days apart. And just for the record, the only reason that I have movers at all is because it is provided for by my new job... usually I'm a "throw all my shit in a trash bag and toss it in the back of my car" kind of girl. But hey! You want to come wrap my old worn out things up nicely in boxes? Why the hell not!

But back to my apartment and this lovely stained blue futon I'm on... our common room has witnessed the making of some great memories throughout the past year. My semi-roommate, Mr. George Lopez, reflected on some of them with me around the time of our graduation but I've decided to recap some here as well.

First of all, this futon has had all of the best of the best catch some shut eye upon it. We've got Chad (who probably frequented the futon the most), Dave S., Dave B. with his walking stick, Jackie, Krista's cousin, JJ, Teddy, Luke, Lindsey L., Greg, Amanda, Lauren M., Sandy, Jimmy (Sandy & Jimmy together?), Kimberly T, Brian, and of course my roommates who I'm sure have all passed out now or then while watching the tele. Tonight I'm proud to join the ranks of the all-nighters though! Yippee!

And now for some memories...

- Krista's 21st Birthday: Our first major party in September where we got to have everybody over and show off the place and get everybody shwasty with our college of cheap vodka and Keystone Light.

- Cranium: We were really into this first semester and it led to some AWFUL drawings (that were especially highlighted when compared to Kristina's impecible doodles that you would only find from an art major) and classic moments such as "Isn't India the country that makes the most films a year? There is the term "indie" film...?"

- Sumo Wrestling: How did we sumo wrestle in the apartment you may ask? Simple. Couches into a circle, boys with giant pillows, first one to knock another onto a sofa wins. My favorite part of this night was when the girls who live below us came to yell at us for making too much noise and Kim replied with a pointed "Thank you for your words." before shutting the door in their face. (P.S. Shout out to Kimber as I think she is the only avid reader of my blog!)

- Secret Santa Gift Exchange: Probably the most adorable moment that 9 college seniors could have put together... the exchange of each other's Christmas gifts over champagne, cheap beer, and snacks. And I must say, everybody bought damn good presents!

- Centipede on the Floor: Pretty self explanatory... it occurred in the beginning of the year and I think it was the first time all 5 of the girls were in the common room at the same time. There was a lot of screaming involved and an exchange of cupcakes to the boys next door in return of them killing the bug for us.

- The Viewing of 2 Girls 1 cup: We'd seen the reaction videos. We'd seen John Mayer's parody. We had no idea what was in store for us. Again, lots of screaming was involved here :)

- Discovery of YouPorn: Check it out for yourself.

- Keep A Child Alive Party: We had a little gathering for the new exec board at the end of the year and to watch Alicia Keys and KCA's mention on "American Idol". There was lots of food and lots of friends and lots of funny stories. I love entertaining :)

- The Office: Lots of "The Office" watching went on in our common room but my favorite was after a 9-roomie outing to Chili's (the time George Lopez fell down the steps) that involved lots of margaritas when we came back and all watched the two episodes of The Office that took place in Chili's... it is nice when you like spending time with people so much that this is preferable to a night at the bar with strangers.

- Late Night Visitors: Sometimes one of us girls will bring a "friend" back and walk in on some crazy hijinx from the other roommates... once one roommate stumbled upon a naked Brian running around (and then getting into pasta fights with Marc), another time one of us brought a boy back to craziness in the common room involving drunken "airplane" rides on my feet, ice cream flinging, and George Lopez repeatedly telling the boy, "welcome to the family!"

- My bedroom door. Since this is MY blog, my final memory of the common room will be EVERY time I exit my bedroom. You see, my room is the one bedroom (out of 5) that is right off of the common room. There was also a little problem with my door being oversized for the doorway... which led to EVERY time I exited my bedroom having to bang the door, slam my body into it, and literally BUST out of my bedroom.

I'm going to miss this place. And I don't mean the common room. Because looking back at this list, the common room doesn't really have anything to do with all of those memories. It is the people, the relationships, the experience of being in college and living with your friends, having no money and living in a shithole, and just having the most fun possible in the time that you have.

I love SVU.

2008-05-27T01:00:00.003-04:00

An amazing few minutes of SVU television. Thank goodness for DVR allowing you to pause and rewind, pause and rewind, pause and rewind... and thank you to YouTube for having this clip after someone else in my house decided they needed the television.

GO CUSE!

2008-05-27T00:45:00.002-04:00

Hip hip hooray for SYRACUSE NATIONAL CHAMPS!!! Syracuse men's lacrosse beat Johns Hopkins today at Gillette Stadium for the National Championship-- that is #10 for the orange!!

Being home in RI allowed me to go to the game (only 25 minutes away-- yay Foxborough!) and it was an incredible experience. In 2006 in the Daily Orange (cuse's school newspaper) there was an article written by Zach Cohn about 44 things you should do before you graduate Syracuse University. I kept that article and constantly referred to it over the past years and have tried to check things off. Some I never got to but I don't think they effected my college experience (#28- create a madden franchise #34- make a trip to canada). Today, I happily was able to check one off from the list (and no remarks on how I technically already graduated) that meant a lot to me.

#44. If one of the Orange sports teams makes a national championship, make the trip.

GO CUSE!!!

T minus How many days is it?

2008-05-23T00:57:00.001-04:00

So moving day/days is coming up quickly. I just found this blog entry on opinionistas.com about moving into a new apartment that I think is so weirdly true.

Check it out.

So You Think You Can... guess the winner?

2008-05-23T00:35:00.003-04:00

My guilty pleasure of the summer began TONIGHT! Okay, to be clear... it isn't my ONLY guilty pleasure and it isn't that "guilty" of a pleasure as far as guily pleasures go. But yes, it is a cheesy talent contest reality television show with a three-judge panel consisting of a one pretty nice judge, a crazy lady, and a mean British man. I guess its only fair that last night American Idol, which uses this formula also ended, and tonight began season 4 of So You Think You Can Dance!

I've mentioned earlier that I am intrigued/obsessed with talents that I don't have. Dance? DEFINITELY a talent I don't have. However, it intrigues me because I feel like it is a talent I COULD have if I worked hard enough. I don't get into American Idol that much because I feel like singing is something you are either born with or your not and I am not hugely entertained by watching individuals sing. But with SYTYCD, I am so impressed, amazed, awed, and simply entertained by the choreography and the dances that they put together. Also, on the show unlike on Idol, every contestant has to compete in every style of their art form so there is always something new.

My prediction of a winner or final 4 after one show: Kherington. The blonde soccer player that they filmed at her home and at her high school. I'm so annoyed that they did that-- WHY would they be at her home unless she made it far in the show? If she doesn't make it really far I will be completely shocked. She also has a winner's name. Kherington. She would go right along with Benji and Sabra from the past. She is pretty good but I am not sure how I feel about her. I can see her progressing a lot on the show though... I tried to find a video of her on YouTube and there were none up from SYTYCD but I did find this little number.

It is quite strange, especially the appearance from her sister and the large portion in the middle where she poses awkwardly to music in random places like the beach, a palm tree, on a wall, etc.

Oh what a day...

2008-05-22T00:14:00.003-04:00

Today, one of my best friends since 2nd grade, Meags, joined me for a trip into Boston to meet up with one of my friends from Syracuse. We visited the Sam Adams Brewery-- which was great (and definitely worth the trip for anybody thinking about it)! We ate at Giorgio, an italian restaurant in the North End with INCREDIBLE portion sizes. We walked around and just enjoyed the beautiful weather.

It really was a great day... until Meags and I decided to take the 6:10 p.m. train home but then walked the wrong way to South Station, ended up having to take the subway to SS, and then join in the mass amount of commuters RUNNING from the subway to the commuter train. Neither of us were wearing the best running attire and we were at the back of the pack trying to jump on the 6:10 commuter rail. As anybody that has ever seen me weave to the front of the bar when Chucks or Faegans is packed knows, I'm pretty good at managing a crowd. However, I'm not too good at sprinting up a few flights of stairs in leather sandals then doing the 200 yard dash. As we hit the final stretch of the platform, the train had its lights on and the final people were hopping abroad as Meags, myself, and 2 other random sprinters reached the last train car's door. Meags jumped on, and then the conductor stood in front of the door, closed it halfway and yelled out "Sorry!" to me and the 2 randos as she finished closing the door and the train sped away.

So there I stood on the train platform as I watched Meags look out the window in the back of the train and get smaller and smaller.

REALLY? Did that REALLY just happen?

Meags made it onto the train. But, I had our tickets in my purse, and the keys to my car that was parked at the train station back home. REALLY? She got on the train and the doors shut in front of me? It seemed like it was out of a movie and I felt like it hadn't actually happened as I turned around to go wait inside for the next departing train...

Retrospect? Hysterical.

I sometimes forget to take advantages of the things that are all around me every day. For example, the fact that I live so close to Boston. And the fact that it is SO simple to travel there. That is, if you make the train...

My Creed

2008-05-20T13:34:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite projects from all of my years of schooling was an assignment I had my senior year of high school in English class. We had to write a “creed” or a list of all of our beliefs and a definition of what that creed meant to us to go along with it. Now, four years after I wrote that initial creed. I decided to write another with the lessons from college. It is a work in progress. Here we go…

I believe...
- In the families you make for yourself
- In “Thank-you”s and “I love you”s.
- Anything can change in an instant in any way possible.
- Nothing is forever.
- In living in the moment.
- That it is possible to have a great balance between work and play.
- You should ALWAYS find time for the play.
- In the power of human touch.
- In preparing for the future.
- In helping others.
- In talking to everyone that I meet.
- In making friends.
- That you can learn something valuable from the smallest of incidents
- In inclusion.
- That people change and sometimes when that happens it can impact you in a good way and sometimes it just sucks.
- That asking questions is the best way to get an answer.
- In being open with people.
- In staying in touch.
- That I turned out a lot better than many people I know who have grown up with a lot of money.
- That many people don’t know how lucky they are and take too much for granted.

The more things change, the more things stay the same.

2008-05-19T16:18:00.002-04:00

So I’ve come to realize that I’ve been using this blog to do a lot of reflecting on different stages of my life. A while back I posted on “a year ago this day I was…” then I answered the survey question describing what my life was like 10 years ago. Well, I’m reminiscing again, this time, in lieu of COLLEGE graduation I am going back four years to life at the time of high school graduation. It shocks me at how much I have changed, what I’ve experienced, and how different my life is from June 8, 2004 when I walked across the football field at Tucker and accepted my diploma.

For starters, when I graduated high school my parents were still what I thought was “happily” married… but married none the less. I had known all of my best friends since elementary school and all called RI home. I’d never been away from my family for over a week. The only time I’d traveled out of the country was on an 8th grade class trip to Quebec. I was so inexperienced with boys that even kissing terrified me. I’d never pulled an all nighter. I would fret and worry about what people thought of me. And I had no idea what I wanted to major in or do with my life.

Now, my parents are divorced and my dad is remarried to another woman. Now I have best friends from all over the country and the world. I’ve gone months without seeing my mom or even being in the same time zone so as to talk easily. However, my family and friends are more important than ever before. I’ve lived in a non-English speaking country for four months and traveled all throughout Europe to places with different cultures and customs. I admit I still get nervous around guys I like but I know a thing or two more nowadays. I know how to get by with barely any sleep. I live life to my own standards. And I have an amazing job and direction/focus about where I want to go with the rest of my life.

However, some things are still the same… I still am the photographer of my group of friends and take more pictures than anybody else. I still have friends in every different group and making new friends but keeping the old (one is silver and the other’s gold). I’m still best friends with the crew I’d known since elementary school. I still have the same 92 Honda Accord. I still struggle with my weight and my appearance. I still love the water, teaching swim lessons, and being with little kids. I still LOVE to talk and tell stories. And I still look stupid in those weird graduation caps.

What the blog?

2008-05-19T01:25:00.002-04:00

I spent pretty much all of Sunday being extremely productive-- aka browsing blogs all day. I couldn't tell you where I started, but I was just going from blog to blog (via everybody's "blog rolls") and finding things that I liked. About 45 minutes ago, of all the blogs in the world and in all the vastness of the internet, I came across another blogger from RI. The posts were all really interesting so I kept reading and realized that she was from the same town as me. Kept reading and realized that I actually knew this person well and hung out with them in high school.

Crazy, right?

It's pretty freaky if you ask me. It is like when people cringe when I play "The Name Game" after finding out someone is from a place/goes to a huge school where I happen to know 1 or 2 people. I ALWAYS ask if they know them. As bad as the odds may be, THIS SHIT HAPPENS!

Anyways, check out her blog, The Light(er) Side of Growing Up. It is seriously really great!

Here I Go!

2008-05-18T19:13:00.003-04:00

I decided that I should actually start to pursue the secret desire I've had of doing a triathalon.

Now, where to start...?

Lost Generation

2008-05-18T18:07:00.004-04:00

So I’ve been trying to expand my network of blogs lately. I know I really should be up on this, but I don’t really understand RSS feeds and that type of thing. I like to visit blogs first hand and see if people have updated… however, I haven’t really been able to do that lately without difficulty. Since I updated my browser, I lost all of my “Favorites” links and also have been unable to add anything to my Favorites.

I’ve messed around with the settings for hours and the fact that I can’t fix it is the most FRUSTRATING thing in the world.

Boo for graduating and now I can’t go to the computer cluster and get free computer help!

Anyways, I’ve been browsing blogs lately with the new online community I joined called Twenty Something Bloggers. Through that I found the blog GenPink, which one the site's award for Best Twenty Something Specific blog. They had this video posted about life for the generation of twenty-somethings and it was right up my alley so I decided to post it as well. It really shocked me and I thought it was so beautifully/interestingly made.

Make sure to watch all the way through!

Rhode Island

2008-05-17T19:14:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, I drove the five hours from Syracuse back to Rhode Island. I'll be here for a week or so until I go back to Syracuse to move to Albany!

I'm really excited to be home, even though since my mom moved in November, the condo doesn't really feel like MY home-- I'll always be a RI girl. I can't wait to relax, see my friends, use the DVR, and start to get back into shape.

I always feel SO much better about myself and my life when I am working out and eating healthy-- yet, I have such a hard time actually doing those things. Grrrr...

Just For Fun

2008-05-17T19:05:00.002-04:00

I stumbled upon this survey in a blog about a Boston girl-- which you've just got to love! This questionnaire reminded me of the surveys that I used to do in forward e-mails back in middle school. I guess this is the grown up version, so here it goes:

1. The rules of the game get posted on the beginning.
2. Each player answers the rules about him or herself.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.

What I was doing ten years ago:
Well, ten years ago I was 11 years old and just finishing sixth grade. Sixth grade was my phase where I was having a hard time figuring out who I was and my own style. I used to wear sneakers, leggings, and big shirts with things like polar bears on them. I used to hate taking showers, and although I wasn’t smelly because I swam a lot (even through the winter), my hair was always nasty from the chlorine and I would just throw it up into a big bun. This was also a braces age and pre-contacts. Don’t I sound like a hottie?

At this time of year, like most kids I was probably DIEING for school to get out. We used to spend our summers at the local swim club and I loved, loved, loved it. As soon as the weather got nice, I’d spend the whole school day just anxiously sitting and thinking about how many more hours and days it would be until I didn’t have to be there anymore!

Five things on my To-Do list today:
- Write this entry
- Go to the bank
- Work out
- E-mail my GE “buddy” to find out things such as what to wear, what time to be there in the morning, when to find out about benefits, how often we get paid, etc.
- Get in touch with the HR rep to ask about my family vacation
- SPEND TIME OUTSIDE

Not too bad, huh? Yay for being a college graduate and not starting my job for a few weeks!

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Donate a lot of money to a lot of people, payback everyone that has ever been kind and generous to me throughout my struggles with money, set up a retirement account for my parents, pay back my loans, pay for my brother’s college, buy a hybrid car, take a trip, and save the rest but continue to donate throughout my life. I wouldn’t quit my job, I don’t ever want to live extravagantly like some of the rich people in this world. I just want to help others and live without stressing over money every day as I have my whole life.

Three of my bad habits:
- I’m having difficulty with the differences between bad habits and bad qualities. So lets try bad habits as:
- I leave my things all over the house
- It takes me a while to return things when I borrow them (but I do!)
- I procrastinate

Five places I’ve lived:
I recently had to fill “former addresses” out for my GE job and realized how many places I have lived recently.
- Syracuse, NY (Brewster Hall, Watson Hall, SDT House, my shitty apartment now)
- New York, NY (NYU dorms down by the SeaPort)
- Florence, Italy (Via Cirillo… oh how much I miss it!)
- Cumberland, RI (T.L. Blvd. until November when mom moved to a condo!)

Five jobs I’ve had:
Lets just think of all the places I’ve ever been on the payroll… The Pastry Gourmet, Ice Cream Machine, babysitter, lifeguard at Abbott Run, dining hall employee at Brockway, assistant for the biology department, notetaker, swim lessons instructor at the YMCA, Telefund caller, waitress/cook at The Twisted Burger, and intern at The Rosen Group.

Five books I’ve recently read:
- The Road to Hell by Michael Maren (pick it up)
- Straight From the Gut by Jack Welch
- Without You by Anthony Rapp
- The Future of Leadership edited by Warren Bennis
- And I just started The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

I'm not going to tag anybody, I just wanted to do this for fun!

Growing Up

2008-05-13T22:10:00.003-04:00

I bought a grown up purse today!

It is from the Limited is going to be my new, day-to-day bag to take to work starting June 9th!

I officially graduated from college this weekend and now I'm in a mixture of relaxing and enjoying that relaxation, and getting ready for work to start. Principessa. showed me her new grown-up purse she bought and I loved it. I'm not the biggest girlie girl and I don't usually have such strong likings for things like purses and bags. I like funky/fun ones but not professional ones. So this purchase is a big step for me.

Grown up world-- here I come!

Q-of-the-Day!

2008-05-13T21:24:00.003-04:00

So a week or so ago I picked up a few random student publications from the bench in the computer lab of Newhouse. One of the pubs was a special issue on "Love, Beauty, and Sex". In the issue there was an entire section about "hooking up". The fact that everyone has a different notion of what "hooking up" is has been discussed a lot amongst my friends. It is sort of just a commonly known fact that when someone says "We hooked up." you need to recognize and apply whatever their specific definition is.

This issue interviewed a few different students about what their own definition of "hooking up" is and how many "hooks ups" they estimate the average SU student has had after 4 years. Nycole M. and Jordan N. responded 10, Emily S. said 22, and then snaggle-toothed Joshua S. answered 50-60!

50-60 seemed way off to me but I wasn't sure so I decided to ask all my roommates. Their answers still left me wondering so I went a step further, made a sign, posted it on the wall, and invited everyone who came in to answer anonymously.

The specific question I asked was, "During your 4 years at SU, how many hook-ups have you amassed?" and noted that the definition of hooking up we were using was going to be anything MORE than kissing and petting.

The answers we got were as follows:

-19
- 17
- 15
- 14
- 13
- 12
- 10
- 9
- 7
- 6
- 5
- 5
- 2

That is an average of 10.3!!! Kudos to Nycole and Jordan for being freakishly accurate.

Anybody else care to chime in with their numbers?

Post anonymously pleaseeee!

Hello out there!

2008-05-13T21:23:00.000-04:00

I thought I had a lot more to say when I started this blog. I ALWAYS have a story, I love to talk, I love to journal, and I am always the annoying girl in class that raises her hand way too much. However, every time I want to post I struggle with what to write about.

One of the problems I have is with who is reading this. I have great stories, thoughts, questions, etc. that I’d love to write about but don’t because I’m not sure whether to be work appropriate, parent appropriate, school appropriate, etc. How do other bloggers out there handle this?

I have to remember to post the random things people e-mail me and what I e-mail to others as well. I’m a work in progress. I’m “figuring it out…” (apologies for that).

It has been TOO long.

2008-05-05T02:43:00.004-04:00

I came to the realization that it has now been over a year since I have been in Italy. Ew. I can no longer say, “Last year at this time…” or “A year ago this day I was…”. My uncles used to tell me that they would sit around and “pretend to be me” and have silly conversations saying, “Dahling, where shall we go this weekend? Amsterdam? Switzerland? Greece?”

The roommates and I have been throwing around the idea of taking a trip in the few weeks we have off before work and grad school starts. I wish that I was still living in Europe where for a few hundred dollars I could be somewhere with a completely different culture with different languages, foods, societal norms, architecture, things to see, people to meet, etc. I’m currently in this phase where I don’t want to live in the United States anymore. I feel like I am at my best when I am challenging myself, trying new things, meeting new people, exploring on my own, etc.

I started a little list of why I want to live out of the U.S.

- Vacations. Now, I know that there is so much to see within the United States, but the diversity of what I can find in Europe and other parts of the world just amazes me.

- Pace of life. I feel like in other parts of the world, people enjoy life more and don't have the same American obsession with being the best and having the most. I loved that. In Italy they had a "siesta", on Sundays everything would shut down, and people would stroll down the streets knowing that wherever they were going would still be there whether they arrived in 2 minutes or 30 minutes.

- History. The United States is still in toddler stages compared to countries abroad. It was incredible, exciting, and belittling all at the same time to be in the presence of buildings and monuments and artifacts that have seen so much in their existence.

- Beauty and culture. Have you ever been blown away by how beautiful something is? Had your breathe taken away and just wanted to stand and stare at something forever? Well, well that was my life every day from January 15th to May 2nd in 2007.

- Environmental Friendliness. Small hybrid vehicles, public transportation, air-drying clothing, and actually taking the time to turn off all lights when leaving a room. Simple, yet smart.

- Education system. I read this article in the Wall Street Journal a few months back about childhood education in foreign countries that has stuck with me. However, even the simple fact that children around the world are growing up bi- and tri- lingual while in the US we can barely teach our children proper English says a lot.

- Health care. I just watched Sicko by Michael Moore and was a little shocked. I don’t know much about universal health care and how the policies we have in the US compare to European countries besides this film. I do however know that you can’t take everything at face value—including films like Moores’ and therefore need to do more research on this. But it seems pretty clear that Europeans have some things figured out pretty well on the health care front and Americans need to step up their game.

This post is longer than I expected and I am attempting to keep these posts shorter and easy to read so I’m done for now. Comments?

Check this out

2008-05-04T18:04:00.006-04:00

My girl Diana is living in Egpyt for a few months... check out her blog!

I don't really have any idea of what life is like in modern Egypt so I am very excited to learn more from her and her travels. Just wanted to share this!

Lights flashing

2008-05-02T02:06:00.004-04:00

I love creativity and creative people. I must say that I am absolutely not a connoisseur of the arts in the slightest. My roommate while I lived in Florence, an art history major, can testify towards that more than anybody—it shames her that I never visited the Uffizi once during our whole time living minutes from it. Looking back on that now, I guess it wouldn’t have hurt anybody to take a few hours out of a day to walk through the place. Lauren does love it so much that as a Valentines Day present to herself, she spent the afternoon there. I ESPECIALLY should have gone since we had a pass that allowed us to cut the line and get in for free…

However, I just found that there was so much art and culture to be experienced every day just walking through piazzas or getting gelato at my favorite bar or eating dinner at the little hole in the wall pizzeria, where the waiters knew my name and gave me kisses when I walk in! I didn’t NEED to set aside a specific time to take in art, because I was taking in the natural art of life every moment.

I am like that in the rest of my life. Although I am not a connoisseur, I can honestly say that I APPRECIATE art and beauty so incredibly much. There is so much to take in through my natural surroundings that I don’t really see the need to go to museums to experience art and beauty. Even in the college setting, I have a few friends that are art majors and seeing what they come up with actually blows me away.

I am in awe of any form of artistic talent that I don’t have… which is really ALL forms of artistic talent besides coloring and making things aesthetically appealing (if that counts). Whether it is dancing, singing, playing an instrument, drawing, painting, photography, film-making, make-up, fashion design, or my latest favorite—modeling, I am completely impressed and intrigued by them all.

After a year of living with Principessa. and being able to see her ridiculous talent in design and drawing, I have had the opportunity to live with yet another art major this year. Kristina, one of my current roommates is a fashion design major. I am so intrigued and jealous that she can hem, take in, and mend her own clothing OR sew herself a new dress if she doesn’t have an outfit to wear. Last week was Kristina had her senior fashion show, which showcased six designs from each fashion student that they have created throughout the semester. The collection had to all be in the same style, was modeled by students, and had been in the works by some fashion students for years. I’ve absolutely loved seeing Kristina go from a concept of a dress to a sketch to actually creating it and fitting it to a model.

I spent a Sunday with her, her dresses, models, a makeup artist, and Lindsey Adler, one of the most talented and professional students I have ever met. They did a photo shoot in a funeral home here in Syracuse and I was just completely blown away by everyone’s individual talents. The following week was the actual fashion show and I am so proud of Kristina and the incredible designs she created for her senior collection! Some of the shots from the fashion show are featured above and I still am in awe as I go through pictures or the actual dresses of what she has dreamt up and made a reality.

Going Green

2008-04-25T11:12:00.002-04:00

A world of disappointment.

I don't understand why the world continues to ignore making any real changes in going green. I've been totally disappointed in the fact that both Vanity Fair and New York Times have green issues that were released and neither of them were printed on recycled paper.

I've been totally disgusted in everything that I have learned earlier in this year about non-profit organizations not actually helping their cause. This just furthers my disgust for organizations in the world and the people that run them.

More on this to come.

Eco-Friendly

2008-04-16T11:18:00.005-04:00

I just found a list of the Top 21 television characters that are environmentally friendly:

Check it out!

It is sort of pathetic that all you have to do to be considered one of the MOST "green" characters on television is be a vegetarian. However some of them rock-- like Pheobe from Friends. LOVE her!

Something to think about

2008-04-16T00:20:00.004-04:00

In recent years, foreign aid to the continent of Africa by the United States and other Western countries has risen dramatically. I personally support an organization that provides HIV/AIDS relief to a range of countries such as Kenya, South Africa, Zimbabwe, etc. It is a cause that I have put a lot of time, money, and energy into and have brought the issue and the organization to the attention of many people in my life. Recently, in my “AAS 341: Politics of Africa” course at Syracuse University taught by Professor Horace Campbell, my conception of aid in Africa has been shaken by our discussions and the book “The Road to Hell” by Michael Maren. After a lot of long discussions, Professor Campbell proposed that the following questions should be inquired of any organization claiming to provide aid to Africa:

- Are you opposed to racism in the U.S.? Does your organization
- Are you involved with child prostitution?
- Do you operate on a parallel market (feed the black market)?
- Do you pay African workers minimum wage?
- Do you allow trade unions?
- Are you building up local capacity and planning for your organizations obsolescence?
- Do you act as any intelligence agency or informant for the government?

Interesting? I’m still learning in this department, so feel free to comment if you have a say.

Story Hour

2008-04-14T20:28:00.001-04:00

Anybody that knows me knows that I am big into story-telling. Anybody that knows my grandfather, knows that I get it from him. Some love and some hate my ridiculous need to share long drawn out experiences of mine with everyone in the room. I’ve got some classics that I’ve told over and over to the point that I have the punch-line down pat in order to get the most laughs out of the group.

Now the thing is, when I tell stories, I like to include every single detail. I like to explain the background of the situation and personal anecdotes about the characters involved. This tendency in my story-telling appears in my writing in the form of run on sentences, rambling, and an unclear message. It is my challenge to keep the message short, direct, and to the point.

This has always been a problem for me. I remember being a little kid and laying on my mom’s bed as she got dressed and ready for her day and attempting to re-cap the previous night’s episode of “Full House” for her. She joked that it would take me longer to re-explain a program than the ½ hour to actually watch it.

I do admit some of my stories are better than others and sometimes I get ½ way through a story and realize its irrelevant, not as funny as I thought, or that I can’t remember exactly how things ended (this is rare though!). My story telling is one reason that I started a blog. Apparently I have a ridiculous need to share long drawn out experiences of mine with everyone with an internet connection.

To be a better writer and a better communicator, one must be concise. Recently during a brainstorming session at my internship my input was relied on heavily. We were discussing ideas for a product launch campaign whose key publics are college students, specifically Greek life and philanthropy groups (aka their key public is me). We also wanted to incorporate an online campaign that would hopefully turn viral like FreeRice or ElfYourself. I worked to watch my language and keep my message short without attaching a story to every suggestion that I made.

I’m actually really proud of how well I can consolidate all of the thoughts in my head to make a point simply and directly. I’m loving this blog because I am improving my writing every day in a fun way.

I love his words.

2008-04-13T12:21:00.002-04:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm pretty positive that John Mayer has a way with words unlike anybody else in the world. No matter what type of mood I am in or what I am experiencing at a certain time, one of his songs or one of his lyrics can reach out to me and make me feel better, comfort me, or at least let me know that I'm not alone.

So I've been getting more and more into this new media trend and yes, it is transforming the way that news is spread, how individuals interact with each other, and having affects on almost every industry. However, it has also allowed me to deepen my obsession with John Mayer by reading his blog. I loved his latest entry and think that everyone should check it out.

From The Heart; John Mayer 3.27.08

"For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right." - JM

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up

2008-04-13T00:33:00.002-04:00

It’s funny when you can feel yourself grow up. When all of a sudden your actions and the way you feel remind you of someone you want to be and not the person you are… and then maybe you realize that you are a little closer to becoming that person than you realized.

What does it mean to be “grown up”? Is it something identifiable? Is it something that others can notice or is it something that only YOU can define?

I believe that it is something that you define personally. Everybody has their own definition and it could be based on actions. Actions that signify being a grown up could mean being able to pay your own rent, wake up early on the weekends, and being productive with your time instead of getting drunk or watching TV. It could also be based on milestones such as graduating from college, getting your first job, or having your first serious, committed relationship.

I’m not sure how I feel about being “grown up” or whether or not I’m there yet. I’d say it has to do with neither actions nor milestones, instead I think it has to do with emotional maturity. I don’t think I can consider myself grown up until I can deal with issues such as mistakes on my debit card, my car not starting, or being rejected by a guy without the support of my parents or a group of friends.

Yes, I’ve traveled across the world without really knowing anybody. Yes, I’m about to graduate from college and have a job lined up. Yes, I do my best to care about and think of others and their well-being in my day to day life. Yes, I bought my own car years ago, use my own money for school books, clothing, food, and any personal expenses. However, can I really be grown up if I still start crying when my flight gets delayed or I lose a favorite necklace?

Time to Learn

2008-04-11T11:42:00.002-04:00

On Tuesday in my Public Relations Management class we had a Media Studies Master’s student come and speak to the class on “new media”. I was thrilled with the lecture, as I’d requested to our teacher that we have some sort of in depth discussion on new media. Philip Ryan Johnson came in and spoke to us and he did a really great job. He provided us with a lot of great materials and resources to help introduce ourselves more to what is available online and how we can incorporate that into what we do as public relations professionals.

Philip went over internet resources such as blogs, podcasts, RSS feeds, YouTube, Facebook, MySpace, social news, Wikipedia, and e-Books. As a young person in the PR world, older generations expect us to be well versed in all of these resources. We are the “internet generation” and although people my age may be experts in how to stalk on Facebook and find funny videos on YouTube, I feel that we aren’t as knowledgeable in how to use these things in the PR world. I think that Philip helped us to begin to look at things differently and tune us into realizing how Facebook can be more than just a place to post pictures, send bumper stickers, and stalk people we went to high school with or sit next to in class.

One cool thing: Philip said that all PR students should be blogging. On his own site, he even BLOGGED about how PR students should be blogging. I only started this a week ago, but it is comforting to know I’m thinking the right way.

A year ago this day...

2008-04-07T20:01:00.007-04:00

With the recent breakthrough in my life of receiving a job offer (which I am still giddy about), I have decided to use this as a starting point to break some of the bad habits in my life. Today’s contribution to that was to be more active, so I enjoyed the sunny weather and went for a jog. As I’ve written earlier, another bad habit is my tendency to skip the step of proofreading in my own writing; I think this inclination stemmed from the little rule I have with my journals that I call my “no reading after the words are written” policy (which is rather self explanatory).

While my friends from abroad were here, we spent a lot of time recalling old stories from our travels to Switzerland, Greece, the Netherlands, and throughout Italy. Remembering that I was an avid journal-keeper throughout the months we lived in Europe, I was asked to look through my beautiful, leather-bound notebooks to find some forgotten memories.

At first, I was unsure, but then realized that this was the perfect opportunity to start to break apart my proofreading flaws by attacking its root. It was this ritual that I was scared to break, reading aloud to my friends wasn't an issue. There is just something about the fact I got to know these girls while taking the biggest risk in my life and moving across the world alone, that allows me to show them and share with them every aspect of myself. Plus, part of the reason that I don’t go back to read my Europe journals specifically is because I get scared that I will be heartbroken at the fact that I am not there and having those experiences right now. However, this past Sunday morning with the sun streaming through my windows, my best friends that I hadn’t seen in months all cuddled up with me on my bed, and my high of getting a job offer still sky high- I knew it was safe.

April 7, 2007, 9:52 a.m.

I have lived an amazing life. The past few days have been a dream where I am still in awe of what my life has turned into. I am JUST beginning to come to terms with the fact that I live in Florence, ITALY and am just beginning to take advantage of what that really means.

I am currently on a train speeding through the Italian countryside to a place called Gragnola to meet people I’ve never really heard of, nonetheless know. Grampy’s cousins and their children live here and I am going to meet them—yet I have no idea what to expect.

No idea.

"IDK, my BFF _____?"

2008-04-07T18:15:00.007-04:00

On April 3rd, the Wall Street Journal ran an article by Suzanne Vranica on the new trend in advertising and marketing of featuring “text message lingo” to appeal to young customers in a language that they use. I find this really interesting because “text message lingo” is something that I find ridiculously annoying when my friends use it and if I am going to have to see it all over advertisements and commercials, I might rip my hair out.

The first time that I saw this trend was in a Cingular commercial featuring the little girl saying that she has been texting her “BFF Jill” and then their follow-up with the old lady saying SHE has been texting her “BFF Rose”. I find them rather annoying, but unfortunately I also think they are successful commercials.

The WSJ article quotes Bill Rosen, the CCO of Arc (a marketing agency) as saying, “You never want to come off as the Dad that is making Nelly references to his 12-year-old as a way to look cool.” True statement.

I think the Cingular commercials work because I think they are appealing to the older crowd by showing how absurd the use of “text message lingo” is and overly abbreviating everything. Opinions anyone?

The grass is greener...

2008-04-06T23:00:00.006-04:00

I love this feature on my camera that highlights one selected color. I love my Canon PowerShot S1000 camera. I love laying out in the sun. I love my roommates. I love aviators. I love this weekend.

Happiness

2008-04-06T22:00:00.005-04:00

There were three seperate things that contributed together and made this weekend absolutely amazing. For the majority of the time I was so blissfully happy it almost hurt. A few days ago I wrote about how I was having difficulty allowing myself to get excited for things because I couldn't shake the fear that they would fall through. Well, it turns out I didn't have a reason to worry because on Friday, everything fell into a place when I was offered a job AND my friends arrived from out of town!

- I haven't received the official offer package yet, but I received a phone call around 12:30 p.m. on Friday, April 3rd letting me know that I was being offered a position in a two-year program for communications at a global corporation. I thought that I was going to cry/scream I was so excited. I have a job! I feel like I should look different... :)

- Three of my best friends from studying abroad in Florence drove up from Loyola College in Baltimore to visit for the weekend. Although I wished that a few other individuals could have made the trip and made the reunion perfecto... it really was an amazing time. Seeing them reminds me of what an incredible life I have and how lucky I am. I'm lucky to have such amazing, loving, accepting, and ridiculously fun and hysterical people in my life, and also lucky because I am able to have conversations that start with, "This reminds me of that time that we were in Greece and...." or "Remember the restaurant we went to in Switzerland..."

These two things combined together, PLUS, the sunshine that finally broke into Syracuse this weekend and made it enjoyable to be outdoors once again made me happy in every cell of my body.

"Life is not a race, it's a journey"

2008-04-03T02:54:00.010-04:00

Lately I've been noticing that whenever something exciting is coming up in my life, I am AFRAID to allow myself to get excited for it because I am scared it might not actually happen. On Monday, I had a job interview that ended very promising. When I told my Dad on the phone, he told me I should be excited and to go have a beer (ha... if only I got afford some good beer to keep in my fridge). However, it wasn't my lack of good beer that kept me from celebrating. I explained that I was nervous to allow myself to be excited because it wasn't definite and then what would happen if it didn't work out?

What he responded was, "Kate, don't do that. You've got to just let yourself enjoy things while you can. When something good happens, be happy. Be happy while you can."

As it is with all fathers, my Dad is apt to having words come out of his mouth that can range everywhere from brilliant to caring to weird to complete nonsense. While I was just home for Easter, after a few drinks, my dad was discussing how he feels about rushing things when you get out of college and trying to find the best job, apartment, relationship, etc. really fast. He silenced the room and very dramatically he announced, "All I have to say about this is that.... life... is not a race... it's a... its a journey." I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe.

However, every once in a while he says something that I think I really should take to heart. This is how I felt about his latest advice about being happy while I can.

I guess I have been disappointed so many times in the past that with everything that happens I prepare myself for the worst and don't build anything up too much. But, it isn't always easy and all week this has been sitting in my stomach as such an internal conflict. I want to be happy but I'm scared and trying to prepare myself for the disappointment. Yuck, lets just hope that they get back to me soon, and in the meantime I'll try just swallow my stomach.

Internet TV

2008-04-01T02:43:00.002-04:00

One of the cries of “new media” is that the internet will become the place that Americans turn to for entertainment. “The internet is the new television” so to say. One of the things that spark this belief is the rise of the latest online series of "television" shows. Recently, I was introduced to a show called “Quarterlife” that produces installments that are usually about 7 minutes long and come out twice a week.

(Dylan from Quarterlife)

The show is AWESOME. My roommate and I became addicted to it and I watched about 30 of the installments in only a few sittings. It is about a group of friends around our age who are trying to find their way in the world and dealing with relationship issues, beginning careers, breaking away from their parents, etc. As college seniors, the show appeals to us. The characters are endearing and the chemistry between the cast is incredible. It is sexy, it is funny, and it is addicting. The show was picked up by NBC this year, and the installments were put together into full length episodes, however it was canceled after one episode aired (rumors are that it is moving to Bravo…?).

Although this is just one scenario, it makes me wonder what the future of internet television is. Is it really “the next TV” or will internet series continue to go through this cycle of gaining popularity and then getting PICKED UP by a television station and either flopping or succeeding in that medium.

Gawker.com had an article today about the internet television program “Break A Leg”. This independent program was offered a deal from YouTube that gave the site exclusive rights and offered to pay the makers of “Break A Leg” for their work. Gawker posted a letter from one of the producers of the show stating how they have barely received any money from YouTube, which is harming their ability to produce the show. “Break A Leg” films with a full cast, crew, script, locations, etc. Although I don’t have the details on “Quarterlife”, I am sure it is similar. So, the question is proposed that if the internet is going to be the home to the latest in entertainment programs… where will the money come from to fund their production?

A recent study by APCO on “The State of Blog Relations”, that I also found on Gawker, showed that over ½ the bloggers surveyed are ready to get paid by PR firms to write about products and services (and not necessarily reveal that they are being compensated). Since bloggers are ready to cash in on what they’ve been doing for free, it only makes sense that the makers of online series are going to want in as well... especially since the series have a cost to be produced.

So who is going to fund it?

Told ya!

2008-03-31T18:14:00.005-04:00

Just so you know, Principessa sent out her cover letter along with her portfolio and resume (which I also helped write) this morning and within a few hours, she received a phone call and they scheduled a phone interview for later in the day.

She said it went great... go me!

Proofreading

2008-03-31T00:48:00.006-04:00

So, my friend Principessa just left my apartment. She had me proofread a cover letter she wrote for a job she will be applying for tomorrow.

For some reason I've become the expert amongst my friends in proofreading... specifically with cover letters. A few weeks ago when everybody in Newhouse was stressing about applying for the Central New York Communications Consortium, I received a few different phone calls from friends for advice on the dreaded monster of selling yourself, the "cover letter". I mailed my cover letter out to my friends, I came up with suggestions for theirs, and I proofread a few. And I have to admit-- I enjoyed it.

The simple task of reading through the sentences, listening to make sure they flow and transition while sounding clear, yet eloquent is like a puzzle for my mind. I see it as some look at a Sodoku puzzle, word search, or crossword puzzle. Something about hunting down the grammar mistakes and searching my mind for the perfect descriptive words and phrases is a challenge for me. Proofreading is one of the random few things that give me a great feeling of satisfaction to complete (doing laundry is another, fyi). It is so rewarding and soothing to finish with a complete document that rolls off the page and conveys a complete and convincing message.

All of this applies for proofreading the work of OTHERS. When it comes to proofreading my own papers-- that is another story. It is annoying, tedious, and the most despized part of any paper writing process for me. I have to admit that a lot of times I skip that step, which can lead to a lot of embarassing and frustrating errors.

My disdain for re-reading my own written work has been cultivated throughout my life. I am a long time journal keeper and for as long as I can remember, I have had a "no reading after the words are written" policy. I've always kept journals as a way to release emotion and my innermost thoughts, worries, struggles, beliefs, and experiences. I journal for myself and only myself and those words are for my own emotional release. I believe that by reading those words after I have written them will leave them subject to judgment (even though it would only be my own... I can be my own harshest critic). My reluctance to proofread my own writing stems from this practice.

This is still a habit that I am trying to break in my professional, academic, and personal writing. I've been really tempted lately to read what I've written in my journal from last year while I was abroad. I'm tempted but I'm scared. I'm not sure why... but I'm scared.

Just so you know, I'm not proofreading this right now.

What people have to say...

2008-03-28T22:30:00.004-04:00

I've always been interested in what people have to say. I like original thoughts. I like learning from those thoughts. I've always wanted to be one of those people that can say profound things without even trying. I'd actually settle for less than profound... I'd love to say something that was considered inspirational, thought-provoking, beautiful, and unique. I come across so much that fit this descripition in the most random places in my own life. Ever since around sophomore year of high school I've been recording all those little things in what I call my "quote books".

I write down quotes everywhere that I hear them. Movies, music, books, and people I meet all are resources for some of entries in my book. During high school, choosing a quote for my senior yearbook was a tedious process. And since then, my collection has doubled. However, if I had to choose right now, one of my favorite quotes that I try to live by is by Desiderata.

"With all of its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy."

A. It basically sums up the way I feel about life. I hate it sometimes. I hate how evil people can be. I hate how others, including myself, let that evil happen. I hate how there are things that you can't change and things you can't prevent. I hate how we all have expiration dates-- and that you can't change or prevent that. But, still, a day doesn't go by that I am absolutely blown away by the beauty and the pleasure that is in this world-- so much so that it makes the sham, drudgery, and broken dreams bearable.

B. I particularly love this quote because of where I found it. It is the only quote in my books that I allow where I found it to influence how I view it. My friends actually make fun of me because I am shameless in where I find things. Disney channel movies? Birthday cards? Professors? All fair game. And I love them all equally for it. But this one I found when I was looking through my mom's high school year book. It was her senior quote. Knowing how tediously I selected my own quote and how well Desiderata's words speak to me... it means so much to me that somehow, all those years ago, his words meant something to my mom. (As the ridiculous admiration that borders on obsession I have for my Mama Dearest becomes clearer, this will make more sense).

C. Strive to be happy, but don't be wreckless. Life can be a bitch, but don't give up on it. What better words are there to live by?

Jumping Right In

2008-03-28T22:10:00.003-04:00

Why am I here? I don't mean that in a philosophical "what is my life's purpose?" type of thing. I really am just wondering why am I here in my apartment, on a Friday night, watching Law and Order: SVU and starting a blog? My friends are all at the bar and I can't even muster the energy to take a shower!

I decided to start a blog because I want to be more in touch with what everybody is calling "new media". By everybody, I mean those I come across that are interested in the future of public relations and most media-focused jobs. I am a college senior, not interested in grad school at the moment, and desperate to be as prepared as possible for the world that I am about to become a part of. I don't really think that my blog will have a huge impact on the world and I don't really think that many people will want to read what I have to say. These first few entries will probably be a waterfall of thoughts because I've had this blog in my mind for quite a while.

So let's jump right in...